my dreams, part 1.

i hope to catch my children dressing up in their parents clothes. the girls putting on my make-up, the boys shaving with jake's razor. instead of getting mad, i'm going to get my camera. i hope to have a kitchen that is welcoming. i don't want fancy. i want functional and homey. i hope to always, always be in love. i hope to take my children to state fairs, museums, libraries... anything that will spark their imagination and introduce them to things that are FUN and EXCITING. i hope my children will be able to express themselves in whatever creative outlet they choose: sports, dancing, singing, laughing, playing pretend... whatever. i hope my children will know what the gospel means to their parents. and i hope it means everything to them as well. i hope to be able to watch my children create. we'll do crafts, even though i'm not very crafty. i don't want things to "match" in my house. they don't now, and they never will. i want my home to be lived in, not fancy and stiff... i want my house to reflect jake and i, and we are definitely "lived-in" people. i hope to spend time with my children as individuals and really get to know them. i want them to trust me, to know that i'll never judge them and always love and accept them for who they are, for the mistakes they make, and for the things they do right. i hope i have a house that is just big enough for all of us. nothing huge. i want comfort and wonderful. i want special. i want it to be our creation... i want my children to know it's a haven. i want them to know it's a safe zone. i hope to have a delightful backyard where my family can eat dinner together on warm summer nights. we'll play tag and capture the flag afterward. or basketball. or whatever. i hope to have a laundry room that i can actually enjoy doing laundry in. i hope to help my children with their homework, and send them to dad for math questions. i want to watch them learn, and i want to see that spark when they really understand something. i hope to have a garden... a very special garden. i want to grow my veggies and teach my children the importance of loving nature and taking care of the things we have. i want them each to have their own plot with their own choices of things to grow. i want grass stains, straw hats, and strawberry-stained faces. i hope to have a bedroom that is our own personal, love-fest space. it will be our little haven (our = me and jake). with that said, i look forward to my kids jumping on our haven-bed on saturday mornings to wake us up for pancakes. i hope we'll read as a family every night. jake will do the boy voices, and i'll do the girls. when our kids are in different rooms, jake and will sit in the hallway and talk loudly so they can hear us in their beds. i want my kids to know how much i love to read, and i hope they love it, too. i hope to cuddle with my kids and laugh at princess bride. then afterward i want to watch jake save them in our make-believe fire swamp (he does this to me in parking lots. he'll pick me up and make a crazy fire sound and move me to his other side. naturally). i hope to dance to "close to me" by the cure on saturday mornings with my children all around while we make pancakes, eggs, and bacon. i hope to take photos of things that i think are beautiful. and i will bask in the fact that i am not a professional, and that the photos are purely for me and my family to enjoy. i hope to establish good in the world. i hope to always cook wholesome, lovely, homemade food for my family. i want to my kids to gush about their days at school over dinner, and i want to laugh instead of getting angry when someone accidentally spills milk. i hope to braid my girls' hair and tell them stories about when they were little. i want to watch jake cut our little boys hair and laugh when they ask him about his chest hair and why they don't have any. i hope to always keep good record of the things my kids do while they grow up: the funny things they say, special experiences, life lessons. i want them to always remember how beautiful their childhood was. i hope to walk my kids to the bus stop, each of us with hot chocolate and cheese grits in our disposable cups. i won't kiss them, because that would be embarrassing. but i will say our secret code sentence that really means "i love you." my kids will know they are loved. i hope to spend my weekends picking flowers, going to soccer games, building forts, and working in my yard. i want to have open windows, breezy linen curtains, and squeaky wood floors. i hope my children know what it means to dream, and that they can truly do anything they put their minds to. i know thomas jefferson said it best:

"I had rather be shut up in a very modest cottage with my books, my family and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post, which any human power can give."