what you don't see by jenna, the author of this blog. what you don't see is me dropping a strawberry on the kitchen floor that hasn't been cleaned for weeks, and i eat it anyway. same with the green pepper i used tonight for my stuffed green peppers. what you don't see is me being too lazy sometimes to get a cup out, so i drink straight out of the carton. i just don't care. what you don't see is the hurt i feel when my husband is sarcastic with me. but i am no better than him because i spit it right back. what you don't see is me occasionally being unfair and hypocritical. what you don't see is me being human. what you don't see is me not having control over the things that come out of my mouth. talk about the ultimate regret... it's like words come out and i am immediately regretting them. it's annoying. what you don't see is me apologizing for things a lot because i know i am in the wrong. what you don't see is me not showering until 7:00 p.m. because i don't really get my day started until 2 or 3, sometimes even 4. some days i even forget to brush my teeth because i'm too "busy" doing other things. what you don't see is the new-found sagginess of my boobs. i have to wash under them now, which is something i've never had to do in my life. it depresses me. and while i love being a mother more than life itself, i still am planning on getting a boob job (just a small one.. more of a lift if you will) one day to bring back a little self dignity. what you don't see is the random, painful zit that appeared on my stomach above my belly button and in between my stretch marks the other day. don't worry, it's still here and hurt like a banshee when i popped it. sick, i know. but true nonetheless. what you don't see is me saying my prayers sometimes while lying down in my bed. i feel so tired that i can't even respect my Maker by getting on my knees for a few minutes and showing Him some real appreciation. I feel ashamed about that. these are some things you don't see through this blog, and how could you? i have my weaknesses and i'm okay talking about them. i think noelle said it best: glasses are half full. and that's a good perspective. but when you're thinking other's cups runneth over, and yours is dry and empty, just remember there's so much that wasn't shared.
06 May 2010
what you don't see.
noelle and i decided to start a "what you don't see" coalition... inspired by a few posts below. parts of me hesitate to write this on here, not because i am embarrassed or ashamed of what you all might think of me (it's obvious we're past that point), but because of the following: "what you don't see" is based on the idea that people don't talk about the REAL things going on in their lives on their blogs. it's annoying sometimes, and then we all find ourselves sitting here comparing ourselves to perfect patty and her perfect life. eh, it happens. it's inevitable. but i kid you not, noelle emailed me last night and sent me her draft and it really got me thinking. i loved it-- it made me feel good to know that she and i shared some similar feelings/emotions/thoughts about life and again, i felt normal. i started to write my own and realized i was sort of writing similar things. our lives are similar. that got me thinking even more how i'm sure ALL of our lives are similar in more ways than one, we just don't talk about it. but is that so wrong? and the thinking continued... there are times on this blog where i seriously divulge information that is very personal. i talk about it because i want to; because i need to. because i need to be heard and typing out my feelings is really therapeutic for me. sometimes i offend, i'm sure of it, but most of the time i find myself relating to others, strangers even, and feeling the connection of other human beings who are like me in some ways. i was in bed last night thinking about what i would write on my "what you don't see" and i came up with a lot of things. but then i realized some of those things really were too personal... things that involved other people and i didn't think that was fair to write about publicly. you see, i can talk about me all i want on here. i am the author, afterall. but when it involves others, i hesitate big time because it's not my place. so, sometimes when i'm not "talking" about the things "you don't see," it's not because i'm afraid of not impressing all of you. it's because it's not just me all the time. you know what i'm saying? then that got me thinking EVEN MORE (trust me people, i didn't sleep last night because my brain was reeeeeling). we see blogs and people's lives look all perfect and cliche.. whatever. but you know what? maybe that is okay. maybe they don't want to post the hard times or the weaknesses or the frustrations because maybe their blog is their happy place where they want only happy memories. i'm big on giving people the benefit of the doubt (at least i try to), and i've decided that i'm going to give the entire blogging community the biggest benefit of the doubt ever. just because people aren't posting their tragedies and personal trials doesn't mean that they aren't being real. it doesn't mean that they aren't being honest with themselves or with anyone else. it means none of those things, or so i like to think. i can't control what other people write or think or what pictures they put up, but if they only want to post the happy things and come across as having a perfect life, so be it. let them live! let them bask in their perfection! i choose only to worry about me (that comes across as selfish and self-indulgent, but i swear i'm not meaning it that way). even if people did start blogging constantly about the good AND the bad, i know i'd find myself comparing something every once in awhile. it's inevitable. so anyway. lets just blog about whatever the heck we want to blog about, whether it's good or bad, and be happy with it. let's love one another and try to be happy when we see someone with a perfect johnny-husband and their tidy children who are quiet and well-behaved during sacrament meeting with the mother decked out in everything anthro. good for them. but for me... yeah, that's not my life. probably never will be and that is a-okay. holy rant. with that said, here are the things you don't always see about me. dare you write your own?