07 June 2010
i've been doing some thinking the past few days about being a parent. ever since i was a little girl (that sounds so cliche, but really... since i was a young one), i always dreamed of being a mother. i watched my mom mother us and i always thought she did such a good job. she taught us to work: we had to weed the yard, take turns mowing the lawn every saturday, put our toys away, do saturday chores, help with dinner and help clean up dinner, etc. i am good at cleaning and cooking because of my mom. she also taught us how to play nice: my older sister and i grew up fighting over stupid stuff. i would borrow her shirt without asking, and she would claw my eyes out for it. she had nails, i had fists (i was a tomboy). one time we were in a serious fight about who knows what, and my mom decided to throw us out in the back yard and said, "you figure it out. i don't wanna hear it." so sister and i proceeded to scratch/beat the crap out of each other, rolling around on the grass and crying. but then we'd start laughing. and laughing some more. we ended up rolling around laughing and forgetting what we were even arguing about. good parenting, i tell you what. i also watch the show parenhood, which i think is SO good. if you don't watch it, i recommend it. anyway, i feel like just from watching that i can get a little taste of what parenting teenagers might be like... and how to deal with real family situations (i feel like the show gives a pretty realistic viewpoint of how life really is... which is probably why i love it so much). i also watch modern family, which is totally unrealistic but nonetheless freaking hilarious. nothing to do with anything really, but you should also watch that. back on point. i feel like i have had a lot of examples growing up of different styles of parenting, and i've seen things that i hated and seen things that i loved. i've done my best to make mental notes throughout the years and all of a sudden, here i am, the parent. the mom. the nurturer. the giver. the bather. the changer.... the teacher... it doesn't scare me. honestly. i think my mission was harder than being a parent (yes yes, i know i have a perfect little baby and it WILL get harder. i'm not naiive, i get it). but i think because i've been waiting so long to be a parent and now that i finally am one, i feel comfortable in my surroundings and i feel comfortable learning every day how to do it. i'm comfortable knowing that i'm not perfect and that i have a lot to learn... i mean, that's what we're all here for right? to learn. to grow. such a nice plan. my friend alison wrote the funniest post ever about becoming a mom. she is currently pregnant with a baby girl (hurrah!) and discussed the sort of "utah" mom syndrone. perfect hair, super skinny and stylish just months after having a baby. make-up every day. HEELS (...). it's good for those moms, whether they are in utah or california or west virginia. but that's not the kind of mom i am.... and that's by choice, i'll have you know. never did love heels anyway. i shower every day and put on make-up. i don't wear a ton... i never have. i do my best to look cute, but first and foremost i am comfortable. i don't work out every day, but i do my best to eat good and fulfilling foods and to MOVE. when i do work out, i kill myself and take advantage of the time i have. i wear sweatpants a lot. i wear a nursing bra... and it's basically a racer-back sports bra... every day. i still love blush and lip gloss. i wear my skinny jeans and sometimes my tummy hangs over, but guess what? i just pull those babies up OVER the roll-- such a fabulous solution. ha! anyway... there is a theme here. can you tell? i'm doing what's best for me. my best... the best i know how. your best is different from mine, and mine is different from my mom's, my sister's...from everyone. and that, i believe, is the true beauty of parenting. i feel like G could have been sent to many different families, but she chose me in heaven because she knew i would be the best mom for her out of all the billions of other possibilities. at least that's how i like to look at it. and i can't tell you how much i love that, and also how much confidence that gives me. you are the best parent for your child. isn't that an amazing concept? not only is parenting amazing in that way, but parenting is also cool. it's COOL to be parents, did you know that? i am cool. you are cool. and if you aren't a parent or married, and you're already cool, then just imagine being even cooler one day. didn't think it was possible? well it is. until then, bask in your already coolness. i don't have it all together, and i never will. my hair is usually sort of greasy, and i'm always a little bit sweaty from carrying a car seat on one arm and 7 grocery bags on another. but i wouldn't trade it for anything. i really, truly, honestly wouldn't. i guess the point of this is that i truly love being a mom. i am basking in my blessings and every single day, i look at G and know that i am doing exactly what i'm supposed to be doing. she is my purpose (as well as being a wife to j-bird obviously), and she has already made me so much better than i ever have been. i am accepting my mistakes, and i am learning from them. i am observant of those around me and i am consistently taking mental notes on what i will and won't do as a parent. i am also creating my own crazy path and enjoying my walk down it. i feel like i'm at a really good point in my life... a point of acceptance with everything i am. physical, mental, emotional, spiritual... i'm finally finding some balance and it really feels nice. it has been a lot of hard work, let me tell you. my friend alison, who i mentioned earlier, posted this video on her blog and i watched it twice because i loved it so much. i was serious earlier when i said that being a parent/mom is cool. one day, maybe i'll even own a swagger wagon. bahhhhhhhh.