lots of information and probably too much detail. you've been warned.

woah! haven't blogged in a few weeks here--it's amazing how time flies and you don't even realize it. we've been pretty busy over in our neck of the woods. things changing, children growing, crazy weather, making happy memories. the list goes on. goldie turned two on january 8 and she is blossoming into that wonderful, stereotypical 2-year old, except better i think (but i'm bias). she's talking all of the time, laughing a lot, expressing her emotions (with a fair share of drama), and playing with her sister. goldie is constantly learning new things and it is so. fun. to. watch. i love it. i know i will miss when my babies were small, but it is also pretty rewarding to watch them learn and grow and become their own little people. so fun.

the other day, goldie and i were in the car on the way to the doctor's office. we parked in the parking lot just as a mini cooper drove by. goldie said, "(gasp) mama! (points at the cooper) little car!!" ha! it made me laugh out loud. she is very observant.

annie is almost 1. where did that year go? she is on the move, let me tell you. busy busy and always wanting to pow around with the big kids. she's kind of over baby food and has started to eat big people stuff. her favorites are: scrambled eggs, string cheese, cheerios, avocado, and little pieces of chicken or ground turkey. basically anything she can pick up with her mini thumb and pointer finger. that girl kills me. she also shrieks happily daily about 10 octaves higher than i or goldie have ever been able to scream. her first top tooth has barely broken through, but it's there. the other one will follow suite shortly, i'm sure. annie = happiness.

last saturday night, goldie started throwing up around 11:00 pm. it was everywhere in her bed, and all in her hair... it was a mess, poor thing. we scooped her up, gave her a bath, new jammies, washed her blankies and bedding, etc. she was as pale as could be and continued to throw up about 7 times in the hours to come. i felt so bad for her because she was so confused what was going on. she could feel herself about to get sick and she'd just look at me and say, "no no no no!" talk about heart breaking. anyway, it was a long night. however, in between her episodes of throwing up, she put on a good show with a little smile here and there. we put CARS on for her... which you all know is her all-time favorite. she loves that mater. goldie is such a trooper when it comes to that stuff. she always has been. she woke up the next day feeling just fine, minus having an appetite. the past three days she has taken a 3-hour nap each day. i just remember during one of her episodes, i prayed so hard that heavenly father would give her sickness to me so that she wouldn't have to deal with it. have i ever told you that heavenly father always answers my prayers?

around 9 pm last night, i started feeling a little queasy. sure enough, i started throwing up. when i get sick like that,  my entire body convulses violently and i sweat the instant i start getting sick. i'm not a pretty puker. i throw up so hard that i pee my pants EVERY time. it's just awful. so that went on until about 1 am, when annie started throwing up...

all i remember is shaking violently in my bed and hearing my baby through the monitor. i hit jake hard, yelling "annie is puking! annie is sick! wake up!" like a good husband and dad, he shot out of bed and ran to get her. i hobbled behind him, trying not to puke myself. just like goldie, she was covered in throw up and so was her bedding and blankies and everything else. all she wanted was me, which was hard because i was feeling like crap. sure enough, i take her and hold her close and her little sweet head brushed my nose... the part of her little sweet head that was covered in throw up. that was enough to set me off, so with annie on my lap, i grabbed a bowl and sat on a towel. i'll let your imaginations run wild. it was madness. peeing, puking, and holding a small child. that's talent, people. good old jake took care of everything though, as he always does. love that man.

just like her sister, in between episodes of sickness, she was smiling and cuddling and just wonderful as ever. what a little champion.

we survived the night. we're alive. annie is feeling better and i'm on the mend. unfortunately just a few hours ago, jake started to feel the creeping sickness. he joked about it at first, but i have a feeling it might get the best of him tonight. i hope it doesn't.

ahhh, the simple life we live. kids, puke, poop, pee, errands, doctors appointments, cooking, cleaning, loads and loads of laundry. while it all seems crazy at times, i wouldn't have it any other way.

in other news, i dyed my hair red.

ta-ta!

let's be honest, it probably won't be red for long, but i've always wanted to try it. time to live a little!

call me mother.

i had a clarifying moment the other day. i've been having a lot of those lately...

it had been a busy day. my girls both have colds, but luckily they are in pretty good spirits anyway. we had been running errands, cleaning, doing laundry, laughing, coloring, playing.... the usual. i like to call the hours of 4-7 pm the "witching hours." you just never know how they're going to go. i usually hit a wall around 4:30, feeling tired and unproductive. my energy just kind of depletes, and it annoys me. then 5 pm comes rolling in and that means dinner, followed by the next hour and a half of feeding, cleaning, bathing, reading, kissing, praying, and bed time. it's a lot. but it goes well on most days.

after this busy day, i was finishing a load of laundry. nothing makes me happier than warm, lavender smelling clean clothes fresh from the dryer. normally i loath the folding process, but i've learned that if i stay in the laundry room and fold right there instead of dragging a gigantic pile to the living room, it goes faster and i do it right away instead of letting it sit in the laundry basket for 3 days (i've been known to do this). i felt tired, but for some reason during this ritual that i do weekly, i felt a lot of peace and happiness. i felt happy that i was folding laundry for my family. i felt gratified that this was a task that i was in charge of for the people that i love. then i started to think about the busy day, and i again felt very happy knowing that my girls were happy all day long. for the first time in a long time, i felt very satisfied with the label as "mother."

i read a lot of blogs.. or i used to anyway. not much time for that these days and sometimes it just makes me feel bad in general reading other peoples' blogs and wondering why my life isn't so much like theirs. it's bad to be that way, and i don't always feel that way, but lately i've just been over it. i've been over my own blog too, if you haven't noticed. not in the mood to write, can't formulate my words the way that i want to, haven't taken many photos, etc. the holidays were good but they were crazy, making me feel more stressed than usual. however, the one thing that keeps me stable, i'm realizing, are these two babies of mine. goldie and annie keep me going, literally, because if i stop, they stop, and well i just can't let that happen.

one of my goals for 2012 (yes dad, i still am planning on emailing you my list as i have almost every year for 27 years) is to really enjoy being a mother and a wife. like, really dig my heels into my main role, you know what i mean? i really have always loved being a mom, but seriously i used to get a little dramatic about the whole thing. i still sometimes do. but i'll have these moments where i'm about to lose it and lately i've been able to just stop, take a deep breath, realize it's not that big of a deal, and move on. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. i counted today and it helped. it is hard having these two close together and i often find myself carrying them both around the house, simply because they both/need attention. but isn't it so worth it? watching them laugh together? watching them share? watching goldie help change annie's diaper and hold her bottle for her? watching goldie laugh hysterically as annie crawls after her? these moments blot out the hard ones very quickly.

sometimes you just have to let go of all the things that make you so tight inside. sometimes you really have to stop wishing for other things and love what you already have. 

hope you had a wonderful holiday season. here's to 2012. it's going to be a great year.