i spy goldie-pie

sometimes i like to spy on goldie... the first photo was taken with my phone through the window. i was definitely hiding behind the couch cushions with my arm slightly raised above the couch so that she wouldn't notice i was taking a picture. she's so independent. just playing with her kitchen, cooking some food. no big deal. 

in other notes, turns out that if i want to do crossfit, i have to have someone nanny my children while i'm gone. that comes to around $400 a month total (slightly less). it's not crossfit that i can't afford, it's the nanny. unreal. so, sadly i've given up going to a crossfit gym for the time being and have begrudgingly joined 24 hour fitness. i'll be doing my own crossfit workouts there, which is simply not as fun as doing it with other crossfitters, but i'm determined to make it work. 24 has daycare...much much cheaper daycare. so, this will have to do. 

today was the first day i took the girls to the kids' club-- i felt like baby huey out in the big world without a clue to what the process was. had to run back to my car to get my ID. only one parent in the room to check in/out at a time. bring a blankie for annie, or something familiar. duh... goldie is totally fine. she sees cars and balls and is like, "see ya mom. take your time." annie on the other hand cried the minute i put her down. she doesn't do this at home, but in an unfamiliar setting, yes, most definitely. i'm learning that annie is a little bit shy and uncomfortable around unfamiliar situations. goldie is not. i was hoping that annie would feel better since her big sister was there, but i don't think that really mattered. the daycare lady is an wonderful indian woman named shama. she looks about 60 but she's 73 and loves children. she is there every single day for the morning shift, which is awesome because that means that my kids will see the same face every day. i didn't end up working out today, just sat in there so my kids could acclimate and feel okay. it will probably take a week for annie to adjust...and i'll just have to go earlier so that we don't get too close to annie's first nap.

there is so much to think about. so many details. sometimes being a mom is hard.

jake and i watched "taken" the other night (gives me serious anxiety). during the movie, i asked him this question: how do you know when to let your kids go? how do you to to just trust them and trust the process of life, blah blah blah. he said he didn't know, but that eventually you really just have to put it in the lord's hands. what else can you do? i'm not looking forward to the day when i have that moment of "letting go." it's going to be hard. even today at 24, there were only 2 other kids in there. one of them was a little girl named morgan, and she didn't seem one bit interested in playing with goldie. goldie, on the other hand, went right up to her and squatted down next to her to see what morgan was doing. goldie said a quiet, "hi." it kind of melted my heart. then i heard morgan say, "go away. i don't like you." she kind of pushed goldie away, and goldie was really confused. my initial reaction was to get up and tell morgan what's up. but then i realized that this was a small moment where i had to just let go and see how goldie was going to handle it. that goldie, bless her heart, got back up and squatted right next to morgan and offered her a ball. again, morgan told her to get away and that she didn't like her. so goldie stood up and went to play somewhere else. it made me sad. she just wanted a friend. eventually they played and everything was fine. but still, i really had to push back my mama-bear instinct and just let things happen. baby steps. baby steps. 

anyway, i should be doing 1,000 other things besides blogging, but i wanted to remember that moment with goldie and morgan. i just get so protective of my family. you know?

have a great day. we're going to costco later so i know we will. ha!

mowing the lawn with her purses. one from me and one from bibby.

man i love annie.