my stomach has been funny these days. quite gurgly, in fact. everything i eat isn't sitting right with me. i mean, yes i have indulged in a few treats daily for the past 3 or 4 days, but that shouldn't mess with things that happen in the bathroom, should it? ugh.
for the past 3 nights, i have laid in bed thinking about everything that is wrong with me, as well as things that i wish could be better in my life. random, uncontrollable tears come with these thoughts (ones that i suck in as quietly as i can because i know i'm being incredibly dramatic and i don't want jake to think he married a crazy person). since when did i become so pessimistic? must change. i think that's even more depressing, the fact that i have to convince myself that i need to become an optimist again---that used to come naturally to me, believe it or not. perhaps i'm feeling lonely. perhaps i've even started talking to myself during the day, as if i was auditioning for a movie or something. clearly, i would win the part with all this practicing. either way, i've got big goals to switch my mindset back to old jenna again. i figure with all this open honesty, others might be able to relate and realize that they are normal and it's going to be ok, because this is what i keep telling myself. i'm normal, i just need to calm down and focus on the good....there really is so much good. my gosh, a lot of good. see? it's already working.
with this blog i promised myself to be more honest and open about who i am and how i am. that's what people really want: honesty. and with that said, i'm going to go eat a bowl of honey-nut cheerios, work out, shower, and go buy myself some conditioner.