i've been thinking a lot today, and yesterday actually, about what this day means to me. september 15, 2007 (one year ago today), i officially lost both of my babies. it was the single-worst day of my life, however i really look back and feel a great understanding for why things happened the way they did. because of that day, i have grown closer to my husband and have been able to bond with him in a way i never imagined; i've learned that i'm slightly stronger than i thought i was; i've come to a greater and more firm understanding of god's plan for me and for my family; i've been able to replace grief, pain, anger, and sadness with understanding, love, and acceptance. because of september 15, 2007, i've been able to see just a pinch of what true love really is between a parent and child. i miss those babies every single day, but i don't grieve for them anymore....i guess i miss them in more of a loving way. either way, i feel recovered and know that i'll see them again. oh, i can't wait to meet them.
it's amazing how life changes in just one year. sometimes i think... what would my life be like right now if i had my twins? crawling, gurgling, laughing. my life would be madness! and i think i would have loved every second of it... i really do think so. i would have basked in the craziness of it all. however, i've learned that i can't spend my life living in the past or dwelling on what could have been. i've wasted too much time over that kind of mentality in my day, and now i try so hard (although i often fail) to just look ahead and be excited for what's to come. so, that's what i'm thinking about today.