24 January 2010

i'm a bad mom.

someone left this link as a comment under my goldie poop story.
i read the article.
now i feel like a horrible mom (which i'm sure wasn't the anonymous commenter's intent), but i do. goldie won't sleep anywhere else. feeling hopeless and feeling like a very bad mom.
horrible. bad mom.


yellow dog blog said...

I don't know you, but I've followed your blog for some time now. From what I read you are a wonderful mom! If putting that sweet baby in a car seat to sleep is the worst thing you do, you're a saint. I know dozens of moms who do the exact same thing because the baby sleeps better when cozy and snug. I bought a memory foam wedge for my babies, it has side bumpers permanently on it that keep the baby safe and feeling cozy. It is also elevated a little to help with breathing. It is the second one down on this page: http://www.pollywogbaby.com/refluxandcolic/sleepingpositions.html....maybe it will work for you. Good luck!

Lindsey said...

Jenna DO NOT feel like a horrible mom. You are anything but that! For about the first 1-2 weeks the car seat was the only place I could get Gabe to sleep. They say not to do that but sometimes you just have to do what works. (For you and your babies sake) In my opinion I feel thats better than having the baby sleep on you while you are in bed. (That was the only other way Gabe would go to bed. Anyways..I would get so paranoid if I had Gabe sleeping on me I had to make sure I didn't fall asleep. I worried I would forget about it when I woke up... but again that was me being paranoid) Anyways... Luckily I was able to get Gabe to bed in his own crib after a while. He loved to swaddle:)
Hope you are doing well!! That babe of yours sure is a cutie!

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad. Please. As a paramedic and researcher, I can tell you that some clinicians consider O2 sats of 97% (the "average" for infants in hospital beds) to be borderline abnormal. You are NOT a bad mom. Cheer up. :)

Megan said...

You totally don't know me but I love your taste and style so I follow you :) I'm a new mom too and I just have to say that everyone has an opinion about what you should and shouldn't do with your baby. But the funny thing is God gave you YOUR baby because he knew that YOU would know how to take care of it. Not someone else who wants to leave links on your blog. So ignore what others say and go with your mothers intuition- it never fails. And unless your doctor says not to don't worry about it. My two bits :) Oh and your girl is a doll!

Anonymous said...

you are not a bad mom! i know that we don't know each other, and i always say this. but anyway, you are just starting out! i think that no one has a baby and is the perfect mom. i can tell by the way you write about your baby and your husband that you are amazing, and have nothing but the best intentions for your family! and even though i am not a mother, i have come to learn, that no matter how you raise your child, somebody else is going to think that they have a better way!

this may be getting too personal, but my little sister passed away of SIDS when i was 2 years old. she was 2 months old, and lots of people at the time liked to point fingers saying "oh, you shouldn't have laid the baby on it's stomach." then it changed to " don't let them sleep on their back." it was really really hard for my mother to hear all that. she felt like people were constantly blaming her for something that was not her fault. the interesting thing is that SIDS just happens, and it is in our heavenly fathers hands, not ours. some things just can't be prevented.

honestly, i think that everyone has their own opinion, and i agree with the person above me, if your doctor says that it is fine to do, and it works for you, then don't worry about it! besides, how were you supposed to know? i think you are amazing jenna! i hope it doesn't creep you out that i read your blog, but i hope someday to be as great of a mother as you are. being a great mother doesn't require knowing everything. you will pick that up along the way. but it is obvious to me, and the rest of the people that read this blog, that you are AMAZING. hang in there!

by the way, Goldie is BEAUTIFUL! she is very lucky to have such great parents!

Anonymous said...

Dear Jenna,

I am the writer that had left the link from the earlier blog post, and I feel horrible that I made you feel horrible. I love your style and I read your blog regularly.
My intent for leaving the post wasn't to point you out as a bad mom or anything close to that accusation. I had read the article fairly recently and when I read your post the carseat portion just happened to stand out to me and I thought I would pass along what I had read.
My sister just had a baby back in the summer and I can understand how desperate times can be for that extra hour of sleep.
I hope you don't take that earlier post in any way personal. You seem like a wonderful mother and it is very obvious that you and Jake love Goldie a great deal. I agree with everyone, if your doctor okays it then go for it! Peace at any price :)

Jake and Jenna said...

dear anonymous,

i know you didn't mean to offend me, and i promise you didn't! i am thankful for the passed on information. i think i'm just a little emotional and DID take it personally, only because i'm crazy like that. please don't feel bad. thank you for sharing it with me! i really do appreciate it.

thanks for all your nice words and your readership!


grant + brittany said...

there is no way in this world that you could be a bad mom. seriously. when i read your big words- horrible. bad mom.... it made me so sad! and i will just second everything chloe says. its funny, she doesn't even know you but she is right on! you are amazing! love ya!

jenna said...

this post made me tear up.
only because it pains me so deeply to think that you would think for ONE SECOND that you were anything but the best mom ever to miss goldie. i understand those doubts, so well, i promise. and while that article is good information to have, i think we can overwhelm ourselves with TOO much do this, do that. use your wisdom, intuition and the spirit which we all know you possess so wonderfully in your mothering of Goldie and you will be just fine & dandy. love you love you lots.

jenna said...

p.s. still no lens, i am hoping for tomorrow. i need to see you.

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't think you should feel bad. But read any article with interest and a critical eye, and learn from your experience.

I wouldn't be worried about the oxygen aspect, more about the prospect of her becoming so accustomed to sleeping like that, that it might be hard for her to get used to sleeping flat on her back, when she grows out of the car seat.

Yeah, you're hormonal now, but don't feel bad. Don't.

MMM&M said...

Both of mine slept in a carset for a little while during those reallly hard early sleepless nights. They are now 8 and 12 with no breathing problems at all.

I think you just have to do the best you can do with the situations--- there is always going to be a study saying that any way you do it is wrong.

Those first few weeks are HARD. At least I thought so, especially with my first. And the hormones thrown in?

You are doing fine-- Goldie is gorgeous---- just hang in there!!!

Luke and Marin said...

I know a lot of anonymous people leave comments on your blog, and I'm going to leave another! I so know how you feel as a new mom. Don't feel like a bad one! You're just doing your best!! Your new baby is absolutely gorgeous, and I think you're doing a fabulous job. I love looking at your blog!!!

Nellie said...

Just wanted to pipe in and say that Paris slept in her carseat for the first 5 months because that is the only place she would sleep! And I'll do it again with the next one if that is what it takes to get some sleep! Of course I also believe in researching stuff, being safe, etc., but there are risks to however you put your baby to sleep, whether they are in your bed or in a separate room, etc. My pediatrician is wonderful and he didn't seem to care...he told me that if she slept better in her car seat, then go for it! BTW, Goldie is beautiful and wonderful - congrats!

lisset said...

i'm a friend, of a friend, of a friend and just wanted to say- you are absolutely not a bad mommy for trying to get your sweet girl comfortable and sleeping! but if you are nervous or concerned, definitely talk to your doctor about it and maybe research some alternative products. have you ever seen a nap nanny? genius! napnanny.com

AdamAndMelaine said...

Jenna, you also don't know me, but I am Jylare Johnsons cousin. I just wanted to know, from a mom who has had some serious oxygen issues with her son (only 80-89% oxygen levels) for the last year and half and has had to watch her little boy on supplemental oxygen every time he sleeps, I have come to know a great deal about this whole oxygen thing.

Anyways, the article said: Specifically, the infants had an average oxygen saturation level of 95.7 percent in a car seat, compared with 96.3 percent in a car bed, and 97.9 percent in a hospital crib.

Just for some perspective- anything 95 and above is completely and totally healthy and normal. Doctors don't even begin to worry until oxygen levels reach below 90%. What I wouldn't give for my son to be at 95% in a carseat!

My point is...you have done NO damage, and if it were me and that was the only place she would sleep, I would feel ZERO guilt for letting her sleep there. You are doing her no harm.

Okay, thats just my two cents. :)

Megan said...

You got to do what you got to do! And your the best, so chin up and keep doing it :) I mean honestly, you're pretty freakin sweet. Goldie is amazing and I can't wait to meet her. If you are looking for some warm weather, come visit us - we could even do the car dance and rock out to Toxic. I think Goldie will be a great dancer like her mother. XOXO

holtkamp said...

hey jenna-like everyone's said, you are NOT a bad mom. you have a great ability to love and learn as a new mom. you are an amazing person and goldie is lucky to have you :) love ya!

maleahbliss said...

I will second what adamandmelanie said. Doc's don't worry unless their sats get below 90. Emerson had a few 'blue spells' while we were in the hospital. (We had him the day after you.)It was really scary. They put him on o2 and monitored him for a while and he's great now, but, it was scary. Also, the difference between the hospital bed and the car seat is like 2 percentage point. Big woop. You're doing absolutly fine. Eme sleeps in bed with me half the time, so if you want to point fingers, you can point 'em at me! ;) haha j/k. Really though, you are doing great. Don't stess. Also, I hear ya on the whole 'I miss the outside' bit.

Kelley said...

I see so many moms at church use the car seat for their baby to sleep in during the meetings! What else are they suppossed to do?!! I hope they come out with a safer car seat because thats kind of scary.

P.S. you're not a bad mother

The Tersigni Family said...

Hi Jenna. You have no idea who I am, but I read your blog a lot...and I love it! You are not a terrible mom, you are normal, and trying to make sure your little bundle is happy and comfortable. I totally did that with my son when he was little too! He slept by our bed in his carseat for about a week. Also, when he left the NICU (long story...but he was still 5lbs when he left) he FAILED the 'car seat' test three times, and they still let us leave. basically his o2 levels dropped when he was in the car seat for very long. but we had to leave. and we did. we watched him of course, but we wanted our boy home with us, and not in the hospital for another second. seriously, don't worry about what people say. i'm sure there is a reason EVERYWHERE is unsafe for baby, even in the most natural place, right next to mama. goldie is lovely, and lucky to have such a great mama. good luck to your sweet little family!