21 January 2010

this will be random. look out.

{ hi. looking pretty tired and out of it here. oh, that's because i am }
i feel like i need to document me feeling very tired but very happy. my poor goldie had a long night last night-- the first long night we've had since her very first night home. she was gassy and having a hard time getting it all out. i may have cried because for the first time ever in my life, i understood the feeling of a parent feeling completely helpless. there wasn't much i could do for her. milk wouldn't solve the problem. neither would kisses, or song, or blankies, or fingers gently rolling over her soft face (she loves that). instead, i pumped her legs back and forth, hoping that maybe it would help with something. eventually she found relief. she woke up every hour, wanting just a little bit of milk, but mostly wanting to be held i think. normally she wakes up every 2.5-3 hours, but last night i think she just needed to be loved and snuggled.
result = tired mom.
HOWEVER. she has been sleeping most of the day (i think she is tired after last night too). she had a bath this morning and didn't cry once. not even during the lotion part. she was so brave and i was so proud. sweet goldie.
during my long night, i had lots of time to think. my mind wanders into the most random places sometimes. i think the majority of people would be very surprised at some of the things i think about. i'm sure you are all similar in that way.
i found myself thinking about this movie:
500 days of summer.
i don't know if any of you remember my post about this movie when i first saw the trailer (it was almost a year ago). i was so excited to see it-- i love artsy films: they excite me. back then, i immediately downloaded the soundtrack and listened to nothing else for almost a month. i fell in love with regina spektor. i wanted to be zooey deschanel. i just couldn't wait. then, for some random reason, i waited until 3 weeks ago to see it. i ordered it from ON DEMAND and watched it by myself one night. i had very high expectations, and although i really liked it, i found myself feeling very disappointed in the end. i wanted the all american happy ending. i wanted them to be together. it just seemed right. and so i was disappointed.
until last night.
i was thinking about one of the end scenes. the most pivotal part of the movie, in my opinion. this one:
at first, i disliked this scene. it broke my heart and made me sad for tom. but last night i started thinking about it, and i completely changed my mind about it. in the middle of the night on january 21, i went from being completely disappointed with this scene to absolutely loving it. all of a sudden i realized that this scene, and the whole movie in general, is brilliant. it is REAL. how many times have you found yourself in love with someone, but they aren't in love with you? how many times have you thought, "this has to be it, or i will die." and then you find that the relationship is over, and you're devastated. years later, however, you realize it was for the best and you're way better off than you originally would've been. this scene is brilliant because it is pure honesty. this is a dream break-up, in my opinion. no yelling. no crying. there is understanding and genuine love for each person.
i love when she says: "you were right about destiny. you just weren't right about me."
well said, zooey.
this has become one of my favorite movies in a matter of 24 hours. amazing where the mind can wonder when you're breast feeding at 3 am. i told you this post would be random.
LASTLY, enjoy a picture of goldie girl and her big, cute eyes. she literally is sunshine to me.

13 comments:

Kyle and Nicky said...

Hey! You don't look tired, you look great! Motherhood suits you! I also love that movie. I cried the first time I saw it, and have cried every single time since. I seriously love it! Goldie is so cute!I can't get over how much hair she has!

jennifer arthur said...

Goldie is beautiful. Sorry she had a tough night, those are hard. Mylicon drops worked wonders with Taelie. And I've never seen that movie but am interested in seeing it now. :)

Michael & Mindy said...

I love this post. I haven't commented since you had Goldie because I always feel like a creepo commenting, but I just loved this post. And I'm finally commenting (creepo style and all) and telling you how freaking adorable she is! Congrats on her being here! I love to hear good things about motherhood..I am a month away and get scared by the negative remarks some moms make!

Sheryl said...

a lot of people disliked the movie, the breakup, and to me it was raw like 500 days of summer. so real. so true. i just watched this movie for the first time last weekend and it was so nice to watch a movie with an unknown possible happy ending. kind of like my life maybe?
why did i picture your baby being blond. i love that she's a brunette. what a cutie.

Andrea said...

500 days of summer is seriously my favorite movie. i've seen it like 5 times and like it more every time. sleep will come...
at least that's what i tell myself. part of being a mom is always being a little bit tired. but happiness outweighs exhaustion :)

abbie said...

FYI, that mylicon stuff for babies (the little gas drops) worked really well for Olivia when she was teeny tiny and had a few rough nights like that. She may have been a little older though...can't remember if they have to be bigger to have that. I better brush up though since I am sitting here with a 2 day old! PS that last picture is SO cute. She looks 6 months old and a LOt like Jake. Darling!!

Andi said...

i'm pretty sure i told you this right after you watched this and were disappointed... glad you are finally starting to see things my way. ps, i heart goldie.

Rachel said...

LOVE that movie. I watched it the other day because I was home sick. I actually like the ending because you're right--it's so true of pretty much every relationship until you get married or find the one or whatever.

And I love hearing about you being a mother!! :)

holtkamp said...

jenna i love this post and your honesty. i feel the same about the ending of the movie and i actually really like it because we can all identify with it.

Josh and Melissa said...

You look great! It's amazing all the things you think of during those night feedings. She's beautiful! Also some friends loved those drops for their babies. You can get them at all sorts od places. Hopefully tonight wil be a little better:)

Built Ford Tough said...

I want to eat her up! Her full head of dark hair is to die for. She's making me a wee bit baby hungry...

Built Ford Tough said...

PS, my sister is very natural and holistic, me not so much BUT, she has magic stuff that is SO good for gassy, colicky babies. Used it on my three and it really is good stuff. Let me know if you want some. I will totally bring it to you...

The Schanz Family said...

Jenna! I saw your link on Megs blog and though I would check to see if you had your baby yet and you HAVE!!! Congrats she is beautfiul and it sounds like you are loving mommy life and are a great mom. I am jealous! Still have 5 weeks of being miserable!!!! Congrats again!