i'm about to blog about something that i previously have not blogged about: my body image after pregnancy. i am having one of those days where i put something on, and it doesn't work. i try something else, and it's not working either. i feel helpless and i feel like i've lost a little bit of myself in the process of growing and birthing a baby. i know many of you can relate to this, obviously. we are women. we all go through these moments, whether we've had children or not, where we feel a little bit unsatisfied with the way that we look. i've been trying very hard to be positive about my "new" body, but today it is difficult to do so. i've bought some new clothes, and they look alright. it's not a weight thing with me, really. i've lost all of my weight, in fact i weigh less than i did before i got pregnant. but i'm realizing that i don't care about weight, i care about the way that i feel. and i'm not feeling fabulous. i am quite soft. even my thighs, which usually are the hardest and strongest part of my body, are soft. they jiggle much more than they used to. my stomach used to be one of my better features. it now hangs over the edge of my jeans. even when i flex, it doesn't go in... i understand this is a process. i understand that i had a baby just 2 months ago and it is okay to not have my body back right away. i understand that jake is working a lot lately, therefore making it difficult to go to the gym.
i understand that even when i'm at the gym (which has only been once), i can't just jump back onto the treadmill and run 5 miles like i used to be able to. i pee my pants instead. i just don't feel very sexy anymore. not that i ever screamed "sexy," but you know what i mean? i've been looking at dove campaign for beauty ads today to remind myself that my body is an example of sacrifice and strength. but still... i'm having a hard day. it's funny because i look back on old pictures of myself, and i remember thinking on whatever particular day that i felt fat. or whatever. i look back now and think i looked fabulous. see how it works? so in my wallowing and self pity, i send you a message. and i need to listen to myself when i say this. because even today i will look back on this picture and think... wow i looked good back then. as bad as i feel today about my body image, and as bad as you might feel, we look better than we think. period. even with my fading stretch marks, overhang belly, saggy boobs, and soft legs, i probably look better than i think i do. and you do too. to the above ads, i say GORGEOUS and FLAWLESS. i'll feel good again one day, i know that. until then, i'm going to allow myself to have a hard day when it comes to this category and then move on tomorrow.