22 May 2010

my beating heart.

photo found here
have you ever laid in bed and embraced the quiet around you?  i did that last night.  i had a lot going through my mind.  i was feeling very grateful.  i had just finished a long conversation with heavenly father... a long and very sincere one.  i love those kinds of prayers, where i lose track of time and all of a sudden i have tears streaming down my face and it's been 15 minutes.  those are good moments for me.  
every night before i go to bed, i check on G.  i have this flashlight app on my phone and it's a dream.  get it, if you don't already have it.  anyway, i slowly crept into her room and shined my light in her bed.  and there she was, all smiley in the dark, those big brown eyes smiling right back up at me.  it took me by such surprise that i started laughing.  what in the world was she doing up?  i picked her up and cuddled her, nuzzling my face in her neck and just breathing her in.  her hair is so soft.  so are her cheeks.  she loves kisses, so i gave her kiss after kiss and sang her a song called "give said the little stream."  i held her tight and knew that this was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.  i'll never forget it.
so then after i held her for awhile, i laid her back down, and she was still grinning.  such a happy girl.  then i went to pray.
sometimes i don't feel like i appreciate the wonderful sound of silence.  sounds like an oxymoron... silence isn't supposed to be a sound, but it is.  you can hear it if you really try.  i was laying on my back, staring at my ceiling and letting my eyes adjust to the dark.  silence.  i sat there and waited to feel a little hug or something from somewhere up above, and i think i did for a split second.  i've been in some need of guidance because i'm dealing with a few things that i've never had to deal with before.  you know when that happens and you don't quite know how to handle it?  my initial reaction is to just back off...take some time to myself to think and think and figure it out.  but i need some help this time, and i felt loved last night by heavenly father.
but as i was laying there, i all of a sudden felt something.  a thudding.  from my chest.  oh, i thought.  i can really feel my heart right now.  so i put my hand on my chest and just laid there, listening and feeling my heart beat back and forth.  it was a nice rhythm.  i thanked god for my heart.  i thanked god for silence.  and in the morning, i thanked god for sleep because somewhere in between counting my heart beats and staring at my ceiling, that's exactly what i did.
my little sister just showed me a new song and i'm in love with it.  i'm glad we have the same taste in music.  i'll post it tomorrow.
have a beautiful weekend.

10 comments:

AaReAn said...

i am so glad i was invited to continue reading. I LOVED this post...I really really did. I think I forget sometimes to enjoy the silence and everything that can come along with it. Noise can be so interfering...thanks for the sweet reminder and for your lovely put words!!!!!

Beth said...

Thanks Jenna. You have been blessed with a wonderful talent, you have a beautiful way of writing. Have a wonderful Sunday! Be safe Monday.

Rachel said...

Beautiful. I hope my baby girl is as happy as yours. :) Just to let you know, you inspired me to kneel more when I prayed. There was a post you did a while ago about how you felt guilty that you would just pray lying in bed sometimes...and I suddenly realized how much I did that. And how guilty that was making me feel too. So Kirk and I are making much more of an effort to kneel now. Anyway, thanks. :)

Breanne King said...

i'm happy to be here.

Tara Thueson said...

Jenna! Okay so I came on here to tell you that everynight when I lay in bed to go to sleep, I think about you. Wanna know why?? Here is my thought process as my head hits my pillow..."Oh gosh.. I forgot to say my prayers.. oh krap, I already layed down. Jenna feels guilty when she prays laying down.. okay tara.. kneel down." and sure enough I do! haha.. so thanks for that. You inspired me. and its a dang good thing. i hate feeling lazy.

Tara Thueson said...

oh my gosh! so the girl above me posted like the identical thing. i had no idea. sounds like you inspired a bunch of people with that! :)

The Young Family Inc. said...

Thanks for the invite. I feel like I won the lottery or something. Yeah for lucky jen!

Michelle said...

Your blog is always one of the first blogs that I want to check. I truly love to hear the things you say. I really hope that whatever it is that you are dealing with, that you will find peace. It makes me sad to hear you struggling. You seriously are the most awesome example. I love the story about yout little goldie being wide awake and smiling when you walked in. Brixton has done that before, and there's just something about going in to check on a sleeping baby, and instead getting a smiling baby staring right up at you. I think Heavenly Father knows when we need those little smiles. Love ya

Nila said...

Whew! The second invite did the trick - I'm SO glad.
Anything I can do from this end to ease the struggles?

Carrie Hanna said...

Molly loves "Give Said the Little Stream"!!!

Did you know there were other verses?

http://www.insideout-acappella.com/lyrics/give.html

I have yet to memorize all of them!