my beating heart.

photo found here

have you ever laid in bed and embraced the quiet around you?  i did that last night.  i had a lot going through my mind.  i was feeling very grateful.  i had just finished a long conversation with heavenly father... a long and very sincere one.  i love those kinds of prayers, where i lose track of time and all of a sudden i have tears streaming down my face and it's been 15 minutes.  those are good moments for me.  

every night before i go to bed, i check on G.  i have this flashlight app on my phone and it's a dream.  get it, if you don't already have it.  anyway, i slowly crept into her room and shined my light in her bed.  and there she was, all smiley in the dark, those big brown eyes smiling right back up at me.  it took me by such surprise that i started laughing.  what in the world was she doing up?  i picked her up and cuddled her, nuzzling my face in her neck and just breathing her in.  her hair is so soft.  so are her cheeks.  she loves kisses, so i gave her kiss after kiss and sang her a song called "give said the little stream."  i held her tight and knew that this was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.  i'll never forget it.

so then after i held her for awhile, i laid her back down, and she was still grinning.  such a happy girl.  then i went to pray.

sometimes i don't feel like i appreciate the wonderful sound of silence.  sounds like an oxymoron... silence isn't supposed to be a sound, but it is.  you can hear it if you really try.  i was laying on my back, staring at my ceiling and letting my eyes adjust to the dark.  silence.  i sat there and waited to feel a little hug or something from somewhere up above, and i think i did for a split second.  i've been in some need of guidance because i'm dealing with a few things that i've never had to deal with before.  you know when that happens and you don't quite know how to handle it?  my initial reaction is to just back off...take some time to myself to think and think and figure it out.  but i need some help this time, and i felt loved last night by heavenly father.

but as i was laying there, i all of a sudden felt something.  a thudding.  from my chest.  oh, i thought.  i can really feel my heart right now.  so i put my hand on my chest and just laid there, listening and feeling my heart beat back and forth.  it was a nice rhythm.  i thanked god for my heart.  i thanked god for silence.  and in the morning, i thanked god for sleep because somewhere in between counting my heart beats and staring at my ceiling, that's exactly what i did.

my little sister just showed me a new song and i'm in love with it.  i'm glad we have the same taste in music.  i'll post it tomorrow.

have a beautiful weekend.