02 November 2010


hey.  just straight out of bed here, no big deal.  goldie is currently talking to herself in her bed and by the rising and falling of her voice, i can tell she's standing up trying to figure out how to get back down.  it's funny how babies are sooo tired-- i mean it's written all over their face-- and they fight their naps like it's their job.  don't they know how good they have it?

remember how i keep saying that i have a million thoughts but don't even feel like i have the energy to sit down and write it all out?  those thoughts include: family, money, travels, random jenna thoughts that probably don't make any sense, sleep, reading... i mean the list goes on and on.

thoughts on money:  i'm not in the mood to spend it.  won't be spending it if i can help it for awhile because guess what?  saving is more important.  yeah sure, a little splurge every once in awhile is okay (like when you're feeling large and in charge and want to get a pedicure and a spray tan perhaps... i've never had a spray tan...).  but you just never know, ya know what i'm saying?  we've been cleaning out our house recently, ya know, the whole reorganizing bit (shoot me), and i'm looking at all this stuff we have.  where did it all come from?  did i really think i needed another set of thank you cards?  this is the ugliest picture frame... why did i buy it?  did i think it was completely necessary back in the day?  that's why i've got these money thoughts because i'm seeing all this stuff and wondering what the point of it is.  here we are, 3 years later, just giving it away.  money wasted, no?  so i'm going to really try hard to watch what i'm buying and make sure it's a purchase that is necessary, a NEED if you will.  with a splurge here and there, yes, but man i really feel more conscious of it lately.  this is a good thing.

thoughts on family:  i'm feeling pretty thankful for my little family that i have.  don't get me wrong, i'm always thankful.  but life has settled a bit for us and i'm quite enjoying the simple things-- like goldie loving scrambled eggs and avocado.  jake dancing with goldie to samoan music in the kitchen.  toys all over the living room floor.  goldie growing.  watching my belly get rounder.  the smell of BBQ outside.  watching a show with jake.  laughing (things have really been cracking me up lately).  grocery shopping with goldie and watching her be so big all by herself in the cart.  stuff like that, stuff that i feel like i overlook sometimes because of the business of life.  stuff that i never want to miss.  sometimes, more often than not, i feel huge amounts of peace knowing that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing.  there are times where i feel like i've almost lost my sense of self, meaning: before goldie came, i could do whatever i wanted.  i could sit on the couch and read a book for hours and it wouldn't effect anyone but me.  i could take a shower when i wanted to, come and go as i pleased, go out at night with jake and not have to worry about bedtimes... little things like that.  after thinking about it though, i've realized that i haven't lost anything.  in fact, i've only enhanced my sense of self.  i still read books, they've just changed from a tree grows in brooklyn to moo, baa, la la la.  i still take showers...does it really matter what time it happens?  not really.  i can still come and go as i please, i just have a sweet little sidekick to join me and our outings usually happen in the afternoon after nap time.  jake and i still go out at night, we just take little missy with us and have even more fun than before.  we don't mind coming home for bedtime, not at all.  so when i have those moments of self doubt or moments of "remember when..." i just look at goldie and know that my life is way better now than it ever was before.  i mean just look at these two.  this equals happiness to me.

thoughts on traveling:  we've been really blessed to be able to travel to some pretty amazing places in our young lives.  we just came back from europe (visiting my parents), and it was a very fun trip.  each year we've been able to experience some sort of traveling experience abroad and it's been so amazing.  we've realized though that traveling is TIRING.  especially when i'm pregnant.. i mean i think i'm a pretty good sport, but let's be honest here-- i'm not as energized as i used to be.  at least for now.  after our trip a few weeks ago, we realized that we probably wouldn't be traveling like that anymore for awhile, and that's okay.  our job now is to raise the kiddies and settle more into life.  but believe you me, we are very thankful for our experiences abroad... visiting our missions, family, places that we'd always wanted to go.  very, very thankful.  but we're glad to be back for awhile, ya know?

thoughts on having another baby:  i look at our ultrasound photos and marvel that there's another girl growing in there.  a sister for goldie.  seems perfect to me.  i get different reactions when i tell people how close in age goldie and her sister will be, and i think it's really interesting actually.  usually it's a look of panic covered up quickly by, "oh how exciting!"  some people tell me i'm crazy, or nonchalantly say "good luck."  i just laugh to myself.. sometimes i get annoyed, but mostly i just laugh about it.  come on people.  i wasn't born yesterday.  i know it's going to be a lot of work and i know it's going to be an adjustment.  give me some credit here.  but you know what else i know?  this is always how it was supposed to be-- i will adjust, just like i adjusted with my first baby.  life requires adjustment and change-- it's like an eternal truth in my opinion.  it always has, and it always will.  i'm just choosing to embrace it instead of freaking out about it (because i know it's easy to do that, trust me i've had moments).  but when i think about the relationship i have with my sisters, and my sister-in-laws, i almost get emotional about how much those relationships mean to me.  i talk to my sisters every day.  they know exactly what's going on in my life, and i know what's going on in theirs.  my little sister randomly came over the other day because she was bored, and i felt SO HAPPY that she feels comfortable doing that.  my older sister and her kids stopped by yesterday and we had the best time just doing nothing.  there is nothing like sisters, and goldie gets to have one and the new baby girl gets to have goldie.  so, call me crazy, but i think that relationship is going to be way more important than me feeling tired because i have two babies that won't be on the same schedule for awhile. 

oh anyway, i have stuff i should be doing instead of writing all these thoughts down.  there is a guest room upstairs that needs to be seriously broken down and cleaned out.  maybe i'll take a photo just because it's CRAZINESS up there right now.  almost makes me laugh, but mostly makes me want to cry.  jake is such a go-getter.  i told him yesterday that i'm so thankful that he knows how to get stuff done.  i ask him to do something, and it's done within a day or two.  when he puts his mind to something, you better watch out.  so, i'm going to pretend i'm him right now and go get it done.  wish me luck.

have a fabulous day.


Michael, Mindy, and Dane said...

i just love this. i love that you share your thoughts like this. it's so refreshing for some reason. i love that you are so positive about life with a baby and a new one on the way. being a mom really is the greatest blessing. anyway, thanks for this. i loved it. :)

Liv said...

my little girl is just over 3 months old and it's taken me this long to "forget" how horrible the first few weeks can be with lack of sleep, nursing woes and the like.

but now i'm like... hmmm, i definitely want another child. not anytime soon, but definitely need to have another.

it's a very personal decision, so good for you for letting the negative comments roll off your back.

Robert & Amber Salmon said...

My babies are 12 days shy of a year apart. The first couple months were rough because Pepper was use to getting all my attention. But she adjusted and she LOVES her little brother. Now that Tabor can crawl (7 months) they are already the best of friends. It is easier to have them both awake then one or the other because they entertain each other and I can still do the dishes while watching them from a distance. Anyway I love having kids so close!

Jennie said...

Have you heard of Freecycle? It's the best. As you know, getting married, and having a kid means sooo much accumulated stuff that just sits around. And sits around. And...you NEVER get around to repairing/sprucing up and using it again. Well, maybe a few things. But it's just not worth the mental baggage. Better to just give it away, have someone else use it before it goes out of style. And freecycle is a god send.

And the flipside is, you don't just have to give stuff away for free, you can also ask for stuff. I've asked for, and received things, that I truly needed and use, and didn't pay a dime. Win/win/win.

Stay on top of it, or you'll end up on that show Hoarders in twenty years, when Goldie and her little sis can't find you or Jake under all your stuff ;) J/K!

Oh, and please don't stop travelling because of the kids. Money can obviously be an issue - but I cannot stress enough how great it is to travel with small kids! They are a key to meeting folks. You can be in the most obscure place in Asia, and you'll have ten new friends because of your little cutie pie. Our youngest got us invited to a family dinner in the Moroccan countryside, I'm not kidding. I'd never experienced such generosity, ever. And also, our oldest learned how to poop in a hole in the ground then, so now he won't grow up all "ew, people poop in holes in the ground", because he's tried it himself, and lived to tell the tale :)

Joseph and Katie said...

love sisters :) i feel just the same way.

Kyle and Nicky said...

i love the way you write miss jenna, it's so much more organized than my thoughts are! see you in a few days!

eclaires said...

This was beautiful, Jenna. Thank you. Life is beautiful.

eric+dall said...

I just came across your blog and what an inspiration you are. Good luck w everything and keep bloging. You've inspired me, so thanks!

Luke and Marin said...

I don't know you personally, but I do have a connection with you! My husband, Luke, was Zach Hillstead's roommate at the Y. Anyway, I came across your blog, and I absolutely LOVE reading it. I just love what you wrote about having another baby. I have two little boys that are 15 months apart. One is 18 months, and the other is 3 months. I got (and still get) the same reaction from people! It has been a very hard adjustment, but like you said, relationships are so important, and I'm so grateful that they have each other. You are really inspirational, and please know you make me want to be a better person!!