22 March 2011

i've been up for about 30 minutes and for some reason duran duran "ordinary world" won't get out of my head.  not complaining... love that song.  but the irony is killing me.

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

ha!  these past three weeks have been interesting, to say the least.  i asked for the adjustment to two kids and the change to come (remember when i was hugely pregnant and just wanted to be done?), and it's here in flying colors.  i've had my hard days and i've had my better days.  what i've really had, though, is so much help that i don't even have words to express the gratitude that i feel.  

take my mother, for example.  my parents have been living in england for the past year basically-- we visited them in october.  they happened to be moving back to georgia right before annie came, which i was so thankful for.  my poor mom flew home from the UK on a monday, slept and "normalized" on a tuesday, and then flew all the way to us on wednesday, the day annie was born.  can you even imagine the jet-lag involved in that?  she came and she conquered, as she always does.  she kept me calm in the middle of the night when i would be bawling my eyes out.  she made me lunch and dinner every single day.  she played and played with goldie--walks, errands, early mornings.  she cleaned my entire house, cooked, did laundry, put laundry away.  she loved me and was patient with me even when i was an emotional wreck.  on top of all of that, almost every morning she was showered, dressed, and looking fabulous.  my mom has this way of just being there, you know what i mean?  she doesn't have to say much for me to know that she's got my back, even when i might feel like she's nagging me about this or that.  that's all in my head, i'm now realizing.  i'm just really thankful to have a mom who is not only my mom, but one of my best friends.  sounds very cliche and cheesy, but really.  she even bought me a book because she knows how much i love to read.  and during the long nights when nobody is updating their facebook or blogs, and i've read every news update and looked at every picture on people.com, i've got my book to turn to and i love my mom for that.  she stayed for two whole weeks, and i loved every minute of it.  we're not a very emotional family in the sense that we're not all lovey-dovey all the time.  we're not good at goodbyes so we make the short and sweet and sometimes even awkward.  i think what we all really want to do is cry and hug for a long time and tell each other how much we love each other, but we just can't seem to do it because we hate getting all emotional-- it's too hard.  when she left, we hugged and i thanked her a million times and told her i loved her, but coming back into the house i felt an immediate longing for my mom to come back and be with me.  not because i was tired and confused about my new life with two kids, but simply because admitting that i really needed her and loved her felt really good.  moms just make everything better, especially my own.
my sister-in-law jenye basically high-fived my mom at the airport.  "tag, you're in!"  the same day my mom left, jenye flew in and continued to save me.  she basically has taken over the night shift and jake has taken the morning shift with goldenstein which has given me a lot more sleep that i feel like i've had in awhile.  she has followed in my mom's footsteps and continued with the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and especially with loving and playing with goldie every minute of the day.  she makes me go to sleep at a normal time, gives annie a pumped bottle when she wakes up in the middle of the night, and then brings me annie a few hours later when she needs to eat again.  this gives me like 6 straight hours of sleep.  unheard of.  she's been a listening and supportive ear, one that i need VERY much right now!  she's helped me so much in so many ways and again, can't really find words to express my gratitude. jenye really has become one of my best friends. she's still here and i'm pretty sure i might die when she leaves.

oh wait, but i won't because my mother-in-law is next in line.  julie is coming in a few days on a white horse to continue the saving of the life of desperate mother jenna.  i'm telling you, the love never ends.

my own sisters have done nothing but love me as well.  this is old news-- they are my best friends and always have been.  people always say that in the end, your family is what matters and they are the ones who will be there for you always.  such a true statement.  i live by both of my sisters and have lived by them for a long time now.  we see each other very often and have a lot of fun doing it.  i'm the middle child so i feel like i get the best of both worlds.  my older sister katie is the wise one who is always one step ahead of me in life.  this means that i get to annoy her and ask her a million questions about having two kids and really life in general.  we relate on so many levels and she has kept me sane and is still keeping me sane on a daily basis.  little sister rachel is the one who i live vicariously through.  she's still in school and has this awesome boyfriend and basically i just like to call her and ask her details about her life and her feelings about everything under the sun.  then i make her come over and entertain me, and she does it willingly (when i can pull her away from her busy social life) and i love it.  my sisters have always been there for me.  again, cheesy and cliche, but really i could write a book on the support that i get from them.  it's a huge blessing in my life.

my husband.  i almost can't type words about him and the help and support that he is to me without turning into an annoying emotional blob.  he really has stepped up to the plate in these past months, working extremely hard on solidifying our future and making sure we're all taken care of.  he's made so many sacrifices, most of them behind the scenes, to make sure that our life is safe and happy.  the way that he loves his daughters is unlike anything i've seen in awhile, and it literally makes me want to burst with happiness.  we are a very normal couple.  we fight about stupid things, albeit very occasionally.  we're stubborn and have our communication issues.  but when it all comes down to it, he is my very best friend and has been for almost 7 years now.  he's still the one who will freak dance with me in the kitchen while we're making breakfast.  he's the one who put his hands on my pregnant butt when we were climbing over 1,000 steps in prague, pushing me up so i wouldn't have to work so hard.  oh you should have seen the czech peoples' faces.  "stupid americans."  he's the one who tells me almost every single day that i'm doing a really good job at everything.  he tells me i look good even when i obviously am not looking my best.  i mean i could go on and on.  he had to go out of town for a few days after annie was born, and i was dreading it.  i'm not on my computer very much anymore for obvious reasons, therefore it kind of just sits on the counter until i find a few minutes to open it.  he had been gone for about 2 days when i opened my computer and found a long note sitting there on the keyboard.  i immediately turned into a school girl in the third grade who had just gotten a triangle-folded note (you know what i'm talking about) from her biggest crush.  i grabbed the note and found a quiet place and read it probably 10 times-- it meant that much to me.  he said the exact things that i needed to hear at that exact moment. it's written on a piece of scrap paper with typos and scratched out words here and there, and it is one of my most treasured things now.  he said something along the lines of this: "these are the times in our life when we have to be the silent work horses and just do our best to push forward and make things happen."  amen jake.  i love you.  my gosh.

a silent work horse.  pretty sure that phrase describes our parents' generation--silent workhorses pushing through to make things happen.  i'm going to even take that a step further and say that mothers are the ultimate silent workhorses.  i cannot even believe what it takes to be a mother... and a good one at that.  it is hard freaking work.  we balance loving our children, disciplining our children, caring for them.... i mean the children category itself is huge.  on top of that, there's laundry, cooking, cleaning, callings in church, being a good neighbor and family member, working out... blah blah blah.  on top of all that we have to/want to love our husbands and take care of them.... you know what i'm saying?  AND on top of all that, we have to put a smile on our face even when we don't want to and somehow find some time to shower.  okay, that's all a little dramatic, but you get what i'm saying.  finding balance takes a long time and that's kind of the place i'm at in life.  my older sister told me not to expect life to feel "normal" again for like 6 months, and i think she's right.  there are some big changes coming up in my little family's life and it all seems to be happening at once: new baby, crazy hormones, life adjustment, TIME CHANGE...  but that's kind of how my life has always worked and i don't know why i'm surprised that life right now would be any different.  it seems like a million things always happen at the exact same time.  i've dealt with it before and i can deal with it again.  and i've got to remember that all of these changes are good changes...amazing changes, even.  so on i'll go, doing my best to be the silent work horse and to just put my head down and make things happen.

when the help leaves, because they will, the real games begin.  we'll see how i'll do.

annie is doing great.  she's a typical newborn that can drive you up the wall in the middle of the night when for some reason she's not asleep like the rest of the world.  she's a good eater and her cheeks get chubbier by the day.  she also has acid reflux which is NOT fun to deal with mostly because watching her in pain makes me want to die.  but we've got some medicine and it seems to be helping.  she's gained 1 pound and grown 1 3/4 inches since she's been born.  she poops regularly and laughs in her sleep.  she's been dubbed "little snow cone" in our home and we love her so much we could burst.

goldie is also doing great.  the girl has gotten so much attention lately that i'm pretty sure she's in hog heaven.  we got her a little tricycle thing that we can push from behind and she LOVES it.  she has her own parking spot in the kitchen.  "princess goldie parking only."  she slowly but surely has learned to love her sister and is often concerned where she is and what she's doing.  jenye and goldie walk across our street daily and feed the horses 1 carrot each, and goldie loves it.  we've been to dad's indoor soccer games where she's clapped and cheered for him and said "da da!" pretty loud from the stands.  she still points to everyone's nose and still loves her bottles and baby einstein and still says a resounding "HI!" to everyone she sees.  she's back to two naps a day and really is just a little ray of sunshine that runs around our house, laughing and playing and taking care of her babies and puppy and bunny.  she still is obsessed with reading her books and is learning more and more everyday.  i love goldie more than i could ever explain.

this has turned into a long post, and that wasn't necessarily my intention.  it's also turned into somewhat of a "shout-out" post... also not my intention.  basically what it all comes down to is that we've felt so much love over the past few weeks with the arrival of little annikans.  our neighbors and friends have brought us dinners, come to visit, given us phone calls to tell us congratulations and that they love us.  we've had people stop by randomly with little gifts of love.  i have never felt so much love and support in my entire life from so many different people and it has knocked me over with gratitude.  for real.

to conclude my random thoughts:  as i try to make my way to my new ordinary world, i will learn to survive.  that's all we really can do in this life anyway sometimes, isn't it?  learn to survive.  don't you love how dramatic i'm being right now?

it's now 8 am and annie is asleep and i don't know why i'm awake.  so, with that, i'm out.  have a fabulous morning.  pictures of crazy horse and snow cone to come.

11 comments:

Chrissi said...

I feel a little awkward commenting first, as I am a creeper and all, but I just wanted to let you know that I felt the exact same way after by boy Dylan was born.

I still tell my mom that she saved by life by staying with me for the first 2 1/2 weeks that Dylan was born. She kept me sane and did more to help than she'll ever know. Aren't moms great like that?

Anyway, I'm so happy that you've had lots of help during these first few weeks. I feel like once I got through the first month I knew that I'd survive as a new mama.

Thanks for posting!

Luke and Marin said...

I'm another creeper, so I hope you're not weirded out. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I know just exactly what you're going through. I have two boys, 15 months apart, and it's SO HARD. My baby is 8 months old, and I agree with your sister, in that life won't feel normal for about 6 months. You're a fabulous mom, and I love your honestly. It makes me feel better that someone else knows how I feel!!!

AaReAn said...

love it. Love how honest you are. One kid is hard...I cannot imagine. Two...so with that said I admire your "workhorse" attitude...I remember when I first had Sage I thought "OH MY GOSH how do people have more then one kid??!?!?!?" I guess it comes down to getting in to a new schedule. And of course...with you being the wonder woman you are...will do just that and then you'll have #3. ha. ok ok lets not get ahead of ourselves. :-)

Michelle said...

This post just made me start bawling! I don't even know why. It just did. It's cause you're amazing....love ya.

Andrea said...

Jenna, you are one lucky girl! Having a new baby is just freakin' hard. Sometimes I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. Being a mom IS hard just like you said. Then you add everything else in and sometimes it feels like you're go drown. But you're doing GREAT!!! You're a good mom and having two kiddos is quite an adjustment. At least it was for me...(and I lived with my parents after Presley was born) Glad Jen has been so great and that you have two Mommas that love you so much. Keep up the good work.
Andrea

party of four said...

I'm a stalker too, but I seriously love your blog, and how you just talk about life...exactly how we all live it. Anyway, yay for baby #2! My boys are almost three years apart and THAT's hard. I seriously can't imagine. In the evening I always have the feeling that I should have accomplished about 8 billion other things during the day...until I realize that my kids napped, and ate, and read, and played, and hugged and kissed...and then I feel more accomplished. The cute blog 'lay baby lay' has a really adorable (and FREE) printable that says something about how all of the other stuff can wait because you need to rock your baby, and babies don't keep. It's so, so true. It always makes me cry.

Sydney said...

WOW! You are doing it! Great post...this is real life, real feelings, and blessings galore from those who love you so much. There is nothing better than 'Mom' helping after a new baby comes home. So great! And, all the other women who love your family so much, taking a turn helping and doing during this special time. Don't forget to be proud of yourself, too. You've brought another beautiful baby into the world.

Jessica said...

I miss you for real...one day, one day, we're gonna hang out. But we're different people now. We're not Jenna and Jessica from Pope high school. We're moms! Its so crazy fun and its hard. Growing is hard! But you know what...you were talking about your mom coming in and saving you with all of her help. She knows just how to help you, comfort you, calm you down, and love you. That's us!! That's our role to play for our children. So cool! love you friend!

LoAnn said...

Jenna,

You are an amazing writer and brought many tears to my eyes. It is very sad how we take those we care about most for granted. It was wonderful to hear you tell the people you love most how you feel. Thanks for making my day. Can't wait to see you and the babies soon. Love ya.

LoAnn

Adventures in Kamalot said...

awesome post. i know how you feel on many counts. u DO have an amazing mom! i love her too! :) great sisters and jenye too! so happy all is going well for you guys!

holtkamp said...

jenna i love this post. i love the relationships you have and am lucky enough to know your sister. i also love yours and jake's relationship - you two seem perfect for each other. husbands are so wonderful!