j and j

hey, remember me?  i'm alive... sort of.  life has been very busy for the kiddies and me, but it has been a good busy (for the most part) and we're still kicking and crazy horse (goldie) is still crazy.

i feel like i need to write so many thoughts and things that have happened but you know how it is.  the girls are napping and i only have so much time... so that means that i'm trying to condense all my thoughts into a 5-minute post and well... that means little detail and not a very good post.

we've been traveling a lot in the past 2 weeks.  traveling by yourself is one thing, but traveling with two young kids, under 2 might i add, is a whole other ballgame.  i decided to be brave and travel by myself with goldie and annie so that we could go see jake for the weekend.  his family was there too, so i mean we couldn't miss out on the festivities!  thing is, we just got back from hilton head 3 days earlier... slightly chaotic and all i can say is that we're all a little spent over here.  traveling with small kids is not even worth it, i've decided.  hey everyone, we'll see you in a few years unless you want to come see us because it's just not worth it right now!  i'm kind of laughing about how crazy it was going through the airport.  you should have seen me with the double stroller, with only one seat attached so that i could have space to put goldie's gigantic car seat and carry-on bag.  annie was strapped to my chest in the bjorn. people looked at me like i was crazy and they very well should have been looking at me like that because i now realize that i am, in fact, crazy. it's fine, i can openly admit it.  i'll never travel alone with those two again.  they aren't bad... in fact, they both fell asleep the minute the plane took off (i bought goldie her own ticket and brought her car seat on... genius.  would not have survived without that car seat).  it's just so much CRAP to carry around and going through security... do not even get me started.  luckily, and this was not coincidence i can promise you that, jake happened to be in the airport the same time i was and he helped us through security. talk about a sweet reunion.  i swear i've never loved that man more than i did at the moment when he was breaking things down and carrying babies while i took care of business.  and then my sister-in-law saved my life on the way home.  two words: gate pass.  legit.  she helped me through security and all i had to do was entertain for the next hour and a half until the plane took off.  goldie went through every store and reorganized the shelves and held multiple packs of gum at once.  they were ready to hire her on the spot.  anyway... we made it and i was just really glad it was over.  bless those nice people who helped me on and off the planes.  god should have made mothers with 4 arms instead of 2.  right?

the funny thing is, i don't remember the stressful times so much when i think about the trips.  putting babies in a new environment is hard enough.  then i have this crazy hiatal hernia (that is a story for another post.  it is miserable) that didn't make for a fun night on the trip to visit jake.  overstimulation for goldie which turns her into a semi-monster child (god love her).  i'm sure a lot of you know what i'm talking about without me having to even say it.  it's just not easy and it definitely does not feel like a "vacation" when you're in the thick of it.  it's more work than being at home, 100%.  however, all i think about when i remember the past two weeks of vacation is the way that goldie ran to jake without a second thought, or how annie smiled right at her dad after not seeing him for 6 weeks, or how i laughed with our family and my husband and felt so happy to be around them.  moments like that are sealed in my brain and save me during the times that i feel so tired and worn out from the summer.  that's life though.. you go through hard things and you come back up to the surface, breathe a huge gulp of air, and start again.  i've gone through some hard things in these 26.5 years, but i don't think about those hard times first when i look back on the life that i've lived so far.  i'm still a firm believer that there is much more good in the world than bad.  more good people than bad.  more good times than bad.  it's a mental thing with me i guess, so i'm choosing half full...on most days, that is.

we found a place to live in san francisco and i am so excited about it.  i cannot wait until september because i will be settled and life will feel a little more normal.  thank goodness.

until then, we enjoy our last 4 weeks here in georgia (i will miss it so... really, i will), look forward to seeing husband/dada a few more times, and then i will mentally prepare for the big move mid-august.

 hi-ho, here we go.

and i'm going to be better about updating this blog... life's too short and i forget everything.

p.s. goldie is gritting her teeth in that photo because she wants to squeeze annie so bad but she knows she's not allowed.  it kills me.