18 August 2010

for the record, i think this woman is stunning.

i'm aging.  i've noticed a few subtle wrinkles around the corners of my eyes... my skin isn't quite as tight as it used to be (uh, in more places than one).  i feel like even my teeth are yellower, which is slightly depressing considering there's nothing i can do about that for another 7 months.  things are changing in this body of mine, and i've accepted it.  here is the thing about it though, i don't mind it all that much.  okay, i kind of mind it, but let me explain.  i've never been one of those people that freaks out when my birthday is coming up.  "Somebody KILL ME!  I can't be another year older!  I CAN'T!!"  not so much.  it's more like i don't even talk about my birthday, seriously, because i get awkward with the attention.  take me out for sushi and show me some love, and we'll call it good.  maybe it's in my personality?  not sure.  either way, i guess i don't mind the fact that every day i'm a little bit older and a little bit "different" than i was the day before.  hopefully i'm better, but a lot of days i regress.  ahh, life is good that way, isn't it?  frustrating, yes, but good in ways beyond our knowledge.  i look at the women around me who are much older than i am (my mom, mother-in-law, aunts, mom's friends, etc.) and all i can see are totally improved and wonderful women.  i will tell you this, my mom is way cooler today than she was when i was little.  i know that's kind of an obvious thought, but really.  she has chilled out, relaxed, and loved her age every year.  she also looks better today than she ever has in the past, and i'm serious when i say that.  she doesn't get upset about getting older (at least she doesn't show it).  i mean, she'll make little comments here and there, but there haven't been any melt downs that i've seen.  i know that when 30 comes around, i might feel a little different.  i might feel slightly depressed that my 20s are gone, swept out from under me, never to be seen again.  but i bet you that by that time i will be a much more accomplished individual.  i will know myself a little better.  hopefully i'll be almost done having children.  i'll probably be more confident in my mothering skills, and i even hope that my smile lines will be a little deeper.  when i see women with crows feet and smile lines, it only tells me that they've had many moments where they've laughed hysterically or had some beautiful reason to smile.  when i see lines in between a set of eyebrows, it says to me that this person has had moments where they were deep in thought, deep in contemplation, or incredibly disappointed.  and i bet they are better today because of it.  each line tells a story, or many stories, if you think about it.  so, when i look in the mirror, i don't automatically feel depressed about the difference in my skin or the light circles under my eyes.  it just reminds me of waking up with goldie at 4:30 am last night and her resting her head on my shoulder, snuggling her little warm body up against mine.  i'll take circles for that moment ANY day of the week, believe you me.  and guess what?  i'm not the only one aging around here.  don't forget, your husbands age right along with you.  isn't that wonderful?  we don't have to be all alone.  granted, they don't have to deal with pregnancy and recovering from all that, but they do have to recover from dealing with hormonal wives, which is quite the job if you ask me.  at least it is in our home.  and if you're single, well just look at your girlfriends and you will see that you are definitely not alone in the aging game.  believe you me!  ahhh here i am, fully admitting that i can be short, hormonal, and emotional.  i blame it all on the baby that's sucking the life out of me-- and one day that same baby will blame something on me, i'm sure.  the circle of life is a beautiful and fair thing, isn't it?  anyway, the point of this post is that i'm doing my very best to just be happy with who i am, where i'm at, what i'm doing, how i'm mothering, how i'm wiving (did i just make up that word?), how i'm friending, etc.  i'm embracing the changes that are slowing happening, because they are good changes and they should be embraced.  if not, i'm sure i'll miss something pretty amazing in the process.  and that, my friends, would be quite a shame.  and there is my love bug talking in her crib.  ta-ta.


Erin + Geoff said...

i agree with you that we MUST be satisfied and happy with who we are and who we are becoming. Being back in Utah makes me want to hang out with you, so come back soon, k?

natalie said...

so excited to see more of goldie! Thanks for opening this back up. Hope you are feeling well! Second tri is just around the corner. Love to you and your babies!

Michael, Mindy, and Dane said...

i am really, really excited that you've un-privated your blog. i've thought about doing the same a million times. seems like it's a lot of work to be private, right?

anyway. so excited to see these new pictures of goldie. she is so stinkin' cute! and she's gotten so big. i've mentioned before that my baby is just a few weeks younger than her, so it's fun to see them at similar stages and whatnot. anyway, thanks for letting us read your blog again :)