02 January 2011

meh.

i just wanted to get this thought down before i go to bed.  i'm feeling so sad right now because... well, for lack of a better way to say it, my belly is seriously getting in the way.  not the growing baby, but the belly.  it doesn't happen often, but sometimes goldie will wake up randomly in the middle of the night because she's confused where she is, or she'll wake up standing and not understand how she got to that position; it's pretty sad.  so i will go up to her room, pick her up and she'll immediately lay her head on my shoulder and basically fall back asleep after some humming and back-rubbing.  this happened just a few minutes ago, and as i was holding her i started to feel a lot of pressure on my belly.  i literally have to hoist her up, supporting her mostly with my left arm as to not put too much pressure on the top of my stomach, and then do the small bounce or rock back and forth-- she likes that stuff.  anyway, i could only do it for so long (i don't normally do it for long anyway, but sometimes when she's being super cuddly or particularly snuggly, i like to take in the moment for more than the usual 3 or 4 minutes), and it made me sad that i had to put her back faster than i wanted to.  she basically is sitting on the top of my belly with her legs spread to the sides of me... poor thing.  i look at everyone else snuggling her and she's right up against them, and i sit there feeling totally jealous that they don't have anything in the way.  let me make myself clear again:  LOVE the growing baby girl, she is never in the way.  but the belly that supports her... ugh you know what i'm trying to say.

the point is:  it's getting harder to do the little things that i love most with goldie and it's starting to make me feel really sad.  goldie herself is still a baby... ya know?  anyway.  i'm off to bed feeling a little blah.  however, i am very grateful for the growing belly and the healthy growing baby.  whatever now i'm not even making sense.

haven't slept much lately, don't judge me.

goldie officially started climbing stairs on christmas, 2010.  she's fast, that one.

goodnight.

1 comment:

J & J said...

everyone has blah moments (unfortunately). praying for less blah for you today!