j and j

once again it's late and i should be in bed. instead i'm at my computer, thinking about things i wish i would've done better today. it's silly that this happens so often with me. i am too hard on myself, and i often put a lot of pressure on myself when i could be spending my time in more positive and productive ways. oh well. it's just one of those moments i guess, and that's okay.

i've been thinking a lot about ruby the past few days. how special she is. the courage of her parents, who happen to be my dear friends. it just makes you want to live better, ya know?

i used to be (and when i say "used to be", i mean like 3 days ago) a stickler about having my kids in bed by 7 pm every night. around 5:30, things seemed to get crazy and stressful almost every day. rushing to make dinner...okay, now we gotta rush baths and read a few books and oh my gosh it's 7:05! considering it doesn't get dark until 8:30 nowadays, i decided that 7 is too early, and you wouldn't believe the difference it makes. we take our time at the park in the afternoons. no more rushing. no more stress (that's not realistic, but we'll say there is much LESS stress). more laughter and more patience. incredible what a tiny decision can do for someone. and even more incredible the feeling of just letting go. 7:30ish feels much better.

i am learning how to let go and i'm liking it more and more. it's an acquired skill i think, so i'm getting there.

with ruby running through my thoughts, it's been motivating me to have less to do on my to-do lists (yes, that's plural). i think about ruby and i'm inspired to just BE right where i am at with my children and my life and everything else that is happening around me. forget the pressure of being a perfect mother and wife. it ain't going to happen so why are you fretting over it? put the phone down and tickle your child. read them a book. take them outside for some vitamin D... you could use some yourself. i feel like this week i've been a better mother than i ever have simply because i've made a conscious decision to just relax about some things. i highly recommend studying the art of "letting go." jake is really, really good at handling annoying things and is pretty laid back. so i'm lucky i've got a live-in protege.

i don't have a yard at the moment, so i finally took some initiative and bought a city garden plot. yes, the exist and yes, they are awesome. a friend recommended it to me a few weeks ago and after being on a waiting list for a few days, we got it! i took the girls this morning to go pick out a plot and even without any plants or anything, they had the time of their lives.

you should also know that i know NOTHING about gardening. seriously. nothing. any advice would be great.

knowing nothing, though, is always the thing that has stopped me. it all goes back to that fear thing. remember my post about climbing a rope? it's kinda like that. how do you know you can't do something unless you've tried it? i never attempted a garden simply because i really don't know how to do it. but that doesn't mean that i can't do a little research and ask advice and TRY. you know what i'm saying? step 1 was buying the plot ($12 for a 10x12 plot that i can use all the way until november. steal of a deal), step 2 was doing some research for planting in oregon. check. the plots open for gardening in a few weeks so i think by then i'll be ready. anyway, never say never. i'm going for it, and i've got two very willing little helpers. oh, and 1 big one named jake.