goldie and santa. or... goldie is santa?

i would recommend clicking to enlarge, but i mean that's just me.

remember when goldie, my sisters and i were at riverwoods and we found santa?  remember when goldie was basically dressed the exact same as santa, and it was seriously cracking me up?

remember how i've been waiting for this moment for a very long time?  to take my kid to see santa?  remember how goldie didn't even cry?  

remember how i am obsessed with my mini santa claus?

oh my gosh.  i just can't take it.

remember how i'm eating peppermint bark and watching biggest loser?

have a great night.

feeling better.

goldie is sleeping peacefully in her bed.  her sickness is gone, finally, and she's back to her happy old self.  her schedule is also back--- very thankful for my clock-work baby.  i've had a few days to really sit back and think about what i'm going to do about the way that i'm feeling about things.  i've had a lot of moments of clarity, some really amazing chats with my husband, and i've set some goals for myself that i think are going to be very doable.  

me, contemplating life.  not really, just feeding goldie a bottle i think.

don't you ever just have those random hard weeks?  i haven't had one in awhile, so last week kind of really threw me off balance.  woah there, what is happening?  but i honestly think that we have those moments or weeks (or maybe it's just me) so that we can sit back, be humbled, figure out what really matters, get our feet back, calm down, breathe, and remember that we can do whatever we put our minds to.  i also think we have those moments so that we can remember that we're human and that it's okay to feel down or upset about something. 

anyway, i'm feeling better.  life is good, even when you let it kick you in the face sometimes.

soogar.

little miss goldie has been sick almost all week... between throwing up, fevers, runny nose. saddest thing of our lives, seriously. she is such a good sport though. even with a high fever (that was this morning.. it was so sad), she was smiling and chugging a bottle. all good signs. she just keeps playing and laughing, but mostly she just wants to snuggle and be cuddled, which jake and i are LOVING. she is the sweetest girl i've ever known. enjoy the photos. i'm feeling oh so lucky. and by the way, her fever broke tonight and i am so happy about it. sweet, sweet baby. 

miss lethargic after no afternoon nap.

being bashful in her high chair.

being a good sport at old navy.  notice her swinging leg.  she's always swinging that leg, and i think it's adorable.

sleeping like a little angel.  some of my favorite photos of goldie are when she's sound asleep.  i swear i could just eat her.

sucking her top lip-- this is her new trick.

if this doesn't give you a glimpse into goldie's hilarious personality, i don't know what will.  look at her legs.

she crawled into the kitchen and put herself in jail.  she also loves that jingle bell.

honey-bun.

hi goldie.  i will bite you.

have a great weekend.

i believe.

happy saturday.

i want to live here.
{via}



i took a nap today, which was stupid.  i normally don't take naps because if i do, i can't sleep at night.  it's almost midnight and i'm wasting time on the internet while sitting in my bed.  case in point.  i just couldn't keep my eyes open today-- i am feeling odd lately.  slightly blue.  slightly overwhelmed and don't even know why.  when i try to articulate how i'm feeling, i simply can't because i don't know how.  and if i attempt at it, i become this completely scatter-brained freak who doesn't make any sense and confuses her husband.  then i become even more frustrated.  then i usually cry.  sometimes i yell.  it's sad and sort of ridiculous, but it's how i'm feeling and it is what it is.

i don't know when it all started really... maybe a few days ago?  the beginning of the week?  monday?  it's like, all of a sudden i started thinking about my life, who i am, what my role is, the importance of still feeling like i'm an individual, the importance of being a mom and a wife (very separate roles, mind you), thanksgiving, christmas shopping, my future, having broader shoulders, bearing more children... it was like a swoop of emotions took over and i started to freak out a little bit.  i've been pretty even keeled lately, which i'm proud of, but this week has been a little bit of a doozy (how do you even spell that word anyway).  my birthday was monday and it was a perfect day.  i woke up on tuesday realizing that i was 26 years old and i felt okay about it.  birthdays are not a big deal to me.. i never announce that mine is "in 5 days!!!!!!!!" or anything like that.  honestly jake usually reminds me that my birthday is coming up and i'm like, "oh yeah, it is huh."  i used to cry when i was little when anyone sang me the birthday song.  i didn't like being in the spotlight and i didn't like the attention.  what a weird kid.  i don't cry anymore these days when the song is sung, but i still don't like being the center of it all.  anyway, i'm going off on a tangent.  back to the task at hand... is there even a task?  no.  see what i mean?  i'm already becoming super random and i can't even keep track of what it is i'm even trying to write about.  it's even worse when i'm word-vomiting out of my mouth.  so.

getting older isn't a big deal to me.  some people freak out, some people love it, i know a lot of people that hate it.  for me?  meh.  just another day.  and then for some reason on tuesday, i had a few people ask me to do a few things-- and they were simple things.  one was an editing request, and the other was a photo request (send some photos, no big thing).  i don't know what happened but i started to get really overwhelmed.  it's like everything inside of me clenched up and i started to get stressed.  stressed about what?.... you might be asking.  exactly.  there really is nothing to be stressed about.  but when those moments happen, the clenching up tight moments where i can't express myself and i just want to sit down and die... those moments bring me back to the dark days after the twins went away and i do not like when that happens.  it hasn't happened for a really long time, and i have no idea what triggered it, but it made me nervous.  later that night, i calmly talked to jake about it and he made me feel better.

wednesday came and went... i don't even remember wednesday.  my days run together so bad to the point where i lose track of the date, time, year... geez.  then it was thanksgiving and i had a meltdown.  remember how i talk publicly about this crap?  anyway, something was said to me and it triggered frustration and i sort of lost it for a little bit.  it was a huge moment of weakness, one that i feel like i haven't had to deal with for a good few months now, at least (huge accomplishment for me), and here it was in all it's ugliness, staring me in the face and jumping into my body and brain, possessing me and making me into a crazy person.  or at least i like that version better than me full-on admitting that i lose control of my emotions sometimes and end up throwing something and crying really hard.  not so perfect.. that's me.  all in all, we ended up having a good day and evening and i was fine.  but then night came and i got offended by something jake said to me because i am SUPER sensitive and my hormones are not helping anything... and we're back to square one of crazy jenna.

it's embarrassing to admit one's faults and weaknesses.  i have so many.  so. many.  and i know everyone does and it's a normal part of life, whatever.  but it is very important to me to harness the negative things about myself and to do everything i can to improve them and to become better somehow.  what is so disheartening, though, is when i make an improvement and think that i've solved whatever psycho thing i'm dealing with and then two months later it happens again (this week is a perfect example).  it's annoying and it drives me crazy.  so then it's back to square one and i'm thinking to myself... okay, really?  when is this going to stop permanently?  maybe it never will...but i refuse to believe that or else my entire purpose in this life to improve and be better than i was yesterday is just flushed down the toilet, out to the ocean, never to be seen again.

when i get really upset, i end up jumping from one thing that's frustrating me to another...they usually are not related in any way, which puts me at my scatter-brained best.  i cried a lot last night and through my random tears was yelling at my husband who sat there probably wondering where his wife went and who this psycho was.  but i felt sad and i felt frustrated and i felt completely misunderstood.  i believe that there are 3 human conditions (human conditions meaning that no matter how different we all are, there are 3 things that i believe every person in this world has in common).  1: we all need to be loved;  2:  we all need to be needed; and 3: we all need to be understood.  i can't get too detailed about some of the stuff i'm REALLY feeling because honestly, it's just too personal.  but when i feel like a few of those human conditions are not happening for me, it puts me into a slight panic mode... which is what i think happened to me this week.  it's hard for me right now to find balance in my life, because if you want me to be completely honest, i am feeling sorry for myself and i want someone else to understand that and to feel sorry for me too.  isn't that pathetic?  this is the raw jenna, my friends, up close and personal.  but if i can be honest for just one second and then i'll be done, i am feeling tired.  i'm tired, i'm large, and i can't do things as easily as i could a few months ago.  it's frustrating to me that i can't bend over my bathtub as easily to clean the freaking thing.  it's frustrating to me that i can't sleep as well, or that i can't move as fast as i used to.  i know it won't be like this forever, but right now, it's hard for me.  i was telling jake last night that i feel like i have no outlets.  usually when i'm feeling frustrated i do one of two things:  i clean like a madwoman, or i go running.  neither of those can i really do right now because of my body.  large belly means serious limitations, and that's okay.  but i need to figure something else out because if i don't let all this stuff out, i end up doing what i did on thanksgiving and that is something i don't accept of myself.  not allowed. 

balance.  where did you go?  you used to be so prevalent in my life and now i can't find you.  come back to me, please.  i'm begging you.  life = change, and i'm always one to embrace change and to take on new things, you know the drill.  i accept it willingly.  i know that life is changing and i just need to re-adjust myself and sit back for a second, breath, and figure out what my needs are and how i'm going to handle things.  i feel like a lot is all of a sudden required of me, more so than ever in my life before, and i'm feeling overwhelmed about it.  sometimes i don't allow myself to be human and say, that's okay jenna.  you're allowed to feel this way.... not forever, but for a moment you can.  you'll figure it out, you always do.  and you're never given more than you can handle, so just take a breath and face whatever it is you need to face.  finding my breath right now seems like the hard part.  maybe i'm just having a bad week.  maybe i needed to have those weak moments to remind myself that i am not a perfect being and that once again, i need to remember what it means to just be calm and understand myself.

i was having a weird moment today.  goldie was asleep and jake had just left to go do a few errands.  my house was oddly quiet.  i was sitting up in my room folding three baskets of laundry, completely in a daze, staring into the corner of the room.  i was praying though, giving up my weaknesses and finally admitting that i need some help.  like, big time. and now please.  i asked for advice, for something.. anything... i just kept folding and folding.  i didn't have a huge moment of peace, and i didn't feel any arms wrapping around me.  however, i did get an answer.  it was very practical.  came to me very calmly, in my own voice in my head.  and it made sense.  now doing it is going to be the hard part.

i don't know why i'm writing all this down-- probably because it feels like an outlet.  but what i really want to shout from the rooftops is that i still matter.  i'm still me.  i'm still a woman who has needs of her own and who wants to be recognized in more ways than one.  you know what i mean?  motherhood is hard in that way.  it is the single most important and rewarding thing i've ever done.  my daughter means the world to me... anyone who knows me knows that that statement is true.  and as much as i SERIOUSLY appreciate when i'm told that i am such a good mother (i'm not kidding, it is the best compliment i could've ever asked for), i still want to be recognized for being jenna too.  i am jenna the mother, and i am jenna the wife, and i am jenna the jenna.  i am still me, and i'm important too.

enough for one night.  my butt is numb for sitting in the same position for too long.  my baby is sick and will probably wake up a few times this night, which means i need to go to sleep so that i can be ready to snuggle her for a few minutes here and there.  goodnight.

amen.

always need this reminder.

hi michelle.

i'm loving michelle williams right now.  i'm loving that she hardly has any make-up on and that she still looks beautiful.  i'm loving her simple yet very adorable black dress.  and i'm loving her hair... although this isn't the best photo of her short hair.  still, i love it all.

giving thanks.

hi, jenna here.  i've been sort of boycotting my blog lately only because i'm too lazy to write all of my thoughts down.  then i realized this is the week to be thankful, although i believe that we should always be thankful, and that i should write some of those thankful thoughts down.  

here's a photo of goldie to start things off.

i won't apologize...  she's to die for.

can't even really put into words how much i love goldie.  there aren't any that are worthy of her, in my opinion.  you know, when jake gave her a baby blessing, he said something that was really profound; something i'll never forget.  jake said that goldie came to this earth to save me, and he was absolutely inspired to say something so personal and so true.  i was in a dark place for awhile there, missing things that were taken from me, finding my way through difficult situations in this life.  goldie came along and somehow calmed me down more than anything ever has.  she gave me a greater purpose than i ever knew possible.  she brought pure happiness and love into our home, more so than we already had.  she made everything better:  her smell, her presence, her smile, her giggle, even her poop made us happy... she literally brings sunshine every where she goes.  if you've ever met her, than you're a witness to this little phenomenon.  goldie is true to her name-- a little ray of golden happiness.  she gets more fun every single day-- crawling around, giggling, flexing her legs and standing on her tippy toes, crawling into walls because she just puts her head down and goes as fast as she can (we got a good laugh out of that one), pulling her puppy along with her wherever she goes, munching on snacks and loving naps and her bottles.  her current favorite thing is bath time.  i love that little squirmy girl.  she has made me better in a million ways.  i could go on and on, but i won't.  not today anyway.

i am thankful, forever thankful, for my sweet goldie jean.

then there's jake, my husband.

i'm not going to write a novel on how much i adore this man... it's a little overkill, in my little opinion, if i were to write 100 paragraphs on how much i love him.  and i could, believe you me.  let's just say that i will have a life full of laughter, support, kisses, love, jokes, spirituality, adventure, relaxation, and a million moments of watching him be the best dad to our kids.

i am thankful, forever thankful, for jake.  nobody loves him like i do.

i'm thankful for this little mrs. growing in my larger-by-the-day belly.  althought i've reached the stage of pregnancy where i find myself moaning or groaning every time i get up off the couch, out of the car, up off the floor from changing goldie's diaper... well, every time i move, really... i remember that there is a sister in there who i already love very much.  i pray for her daily, and i am thankful daily for her kicks.

i am thankful for my family-- my parents, my sisters, jake's parents, his sisters, my brother-in-laws, my aunts, uncles, nephews, niece, grandparents cousins... i am thankful for them because they love me and have loved me unconditionally for as long as they've all known me.  i am surrounded by really amazing examples.  and that, my friends, is something i am forever thankful for.

i am thankful for my beliefs, my freedom, my country.  i'm thankful for those who fight for my freedom and for my country.  i am thankful for the power of prayer and for the love that i know heavenly father has for me.  i am thankful for jesus christ, for his sacrifice and the unconditional love he has for me.

while these are all things that play a huge part of who i am and where i'll go in this life, i am also very thankful for the simple things.

this might sound weird, but i'm thankful that i pee every time i sneeze.  sad, but true.  i'm thankful for that because i remember that the reason that happens is because of the birth of my first daughter.

i'm thankful for my bed.  it is so comfortable, warm, and i know that every night i've got that warm body next to me, stealing covers and sleeping like star shining brightly.

i'm thankful for baby monitors.

i'm thankful for leaves, trees, mountains, grass, snow, rain, sunshine.  i'm thankful for the crisp air of fall and winter.  i love winter because that's when our babies came and will come to us.

i'm thankful for spoonfuls of peanut butter.

i'm thankful for a good meal.

i'm thankful for adventures.  i'm thankful for the opportunities i've had to travel, alone and with my little family.

i'm thankful for movies that make me feel like i can be better.  i love movies that make me laugh and cry all at the same time.  i love movies, and i'm thankful for them.

i am forever thankful for the beauty of reading and writing.  i cannot explain how much i love diving into a good book--it's one of my favorite things to do.  i was blessed to go to a really amazing university where i studied english and editing-- two of my passions in this life.  i learned so much and my love for reading and writing basically exploded.  i'm thankful for this.

i'm thankful for my body, believe it or not.  while it's not always my favorite thing in the world-- my shape is off here, my legs are this or that.. whatever.  i've been blessed with a strong body that heals quickly and can do things that i never imagined possible.  i might not love it sometimes, but i can tell you this:  i would be able to carry my children across the wilderness if it was required of me.  i really think i could.  i'm thankful for this body of mine, and i haven't always been able to say that.

i'm thankful for trials.  i've been through a few things in my short life so far, and my trials started when i was a young and innocent teenager.  i feel like i had to grow up sort of fast-- deal with things that a 15-year-old shouldn't have to deal with, ya know?  but because of the i've experienced in 26 years, i am a better woman today that i would be without them.  when the trial is actually happening, it almost seems unbearable sometimes.  but afterward, somehow and some way, i find a place of understanding and peace.  i know that comes from above, and i always end up being thankful somehow... growing somehow.  life is beautiful in that way, i think.

i'm thankful for water.  i love water.  especially with lemon.

i am thankful for my friends.  i am surrounded by pretty incredible people, and there have been more times than one where i've been lifted up and loved by them.  very, very thankful for good and supportive friends.

it's now almost 1 in the morning and my partner in crime is leaving me to go to bed.  i want to join him.  i'll be continuing this later... until then, have a very merry thanksgiving holiday.  goodnight friends.  goodnight.

blog sale for my sista.

i've got a lot of things to write about/catch up on, but until i find one spare minute to do so, i will shower you with these items that my sister is selling.

she's re-doing her living room:  out with the old and in with the new!  so i told her that maybe some of you would be interested in purchasing her stuff.  she lives in the lehi area and is willing to meet up whenever to deliver the goods if you're interested.

if you ARE interested in any of her items, email her at katie.hillstead@gmail.com.

let the games begin:

Coffee Table $100.00  **note that there are little built in pull out tables on the side and I didn't realize that I didn't have them in when I took the pics, but I have them so they would obviously be included.

Two Lamps $30.00

 Graco Stroller $60.00 This stroller is three years old and in very good condition.  It originally was purchased as a travel system, but I unfortunately no longer have the car seat that came with it.  However, I have snapped a different one in it before and it worked. 

Maclaren Double Stroller $250 (she originally paid 500 for it!) This stroller is only one year old and is in excellent condition.  It folds down really easily and doesn't take up much space in your trunk.  She loves this stroller..just simply don't need it anymore.

 

End Table $25.00 Lots of storage with a built in shelf and four deep drawers.

stay tuned for all things pottery barn:  pillows, curtains, lamp shades, and bedding!

hunger pains and some love.

it's currently 12:30 am on the dot and i couldn't fall asleep because i was so hungry.  jake and i were just laying in bed talking about all the food we'd love to eat if there were zero consequences to any of it.  we'll leave it at this: we're definitely salt people, with the exception of jake saying that if he could have it his way, he'd eat an oreo/mud pie blizzard every night before bed.  i love that man.

we're leaving on our last big trip before baby no. 2 comes.  sunday we head out.  won't be posting for at least a week and i almost feel liberated that i don't have to worry about any email, blogs... internet, for that matter.  do you feel like the internet sometimes takes over your brain?  me too, and i hate it.  breaks are nice.

i'm leaving  you with this video that my sister posted on facebook.  you've probably already seen it but for some reason it makes me want to cry and laugh all at the same time.  "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion"- truvy, steel magnolias.  anyway, hope you all have a wonderful week.

p.s. you would be really proud at the progress we've made with organizing this house.  we're basically rock stars.  especially goldie.  oh how i love that girl.

off to eat more snacks before sleep.  jake tells me to live the dream and use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever i want.  i just might take him up on that.  ta-ta.

no puppy left behind...

i wasn't kidding. 

evidence: 

 

she's going to be such a good big sister.

hope you're having a great morning.

love.

i've been thinking a lot about goldie lately, which is no surprise since my life literally revolves around her (by choice, mind you).  i've been watching her grow right before my eyes and i can't even believe the progress she's making.  she is little miss independent, that's for sure.  i feel very thankful that i can get her toys out and leave her in the living room while i go into the kitchen to make some lunch.  i'll just listen to her talking to herself and giggling with her puppy... she's totally content.  this is a good thing.  with all that said, though, she still loves to be picked up, snuggled, played with, hugged, kissed... i mean the girl loves affection-- also something i've very thankful for.  i'm amazed at goldie's patience (something she must get from jake because i don't have much of it... i am improving though, in my humble opinion).  she will crawl to the couch, one puppy paw in her hand, dragging him along and climb up so that she's standing with hands on the cushion.  if puppy doesn't make it, she'll put her little head between her arms and look down at her feet (aka puppy), reach down with one hand to grab him--because how could she ever leave him behind?-- and she'll bring him right up with her.  if she misses and falls in the process, she grabs his paw and tries again, over and over until they are both up.  it usually only takes one extra try, but throughout the entire process she never fusses, never gets upset.  when she falls on her butt, she just looks at me and smiles really big and tries again.  what an example, eh?  it really does amaze me.  i never knew that i could really marvel at something, but i marvel at her all the time.  she never gets upset with herself, never gets frustrated (unless i'm pinning her down to change her diaper).  i find myself saying that i want to be more like goldie every day.  pretty incredible.

with her growing up though, i also find myself getting a little sad about it.  she is still very little, very chubby, and i feel very humbled to say that she really loves her mom.  she thinks i'm hilarious, naturally.  i have waited my entire life for a baby to want me, and when she reaches for me and gets calm as soon as she's with me, it makes my heart want to burst.  anyway... i was looking through photos tonight from this past summer and can't believe how much she has changed and grown already.  they are great photos though.  i'll probably frame them.

those are my thoughts for tonight.  off to bed.

note to self:  goldie's first two bottom teeth cut through on oct. 31.

bedding for sale.

UPDATE: bedding has been sold! 

we're doing some major reorganizing in our home and i have a million things that i'm getting rid of.  this bedding is one of them.  i bought it from pottery barn maybe a year and a half ago?  it was literally on my bed for maybe 1 month.  i switch bedding a lot (it's a disease that i'm slowly overcoming), so it's been sitting nicely in my guest room closet for some time now.  it's a nice shade of purple, slightly more purple than this photo shows.  super pretty.  really brightens up a room, and it's not like this ugly purple where someone would walk in and be like... "wow, that's some purple bedding."  you know what i'm saying?  anyway, it's king size duvet and i also have 3 euro shams to go with it.  email me for the price if you're interested, otherwise i'll be putting it up on ebay, ksl, and craigslist.  just thought i'd give you lovely readers first dibs.

jenna.vela@gmail.com

see ya!

p.s. this probably won't be the last you see of my "blog sale."

22 weeks and skinny jeans.

 

goldie's debut in skinny jeans and me in all my glory at 22 weeks.

remember how it's november?

hi.

hey.  just straight out of bed here, no big deal.  goldie is currently talking to herself in her bed and by the rising and falling of her voice, i can tell she's standing up trying to figure out how to get back down.  it's funny how babies are sooo tired-- i mean it's written all over their face-- and they fight their naps like it's their job.  don't they know how good they have it?

remember how i keep saying that i have a million thoughts but don't even feel like i have the energy to sit down and write it all out?  those thoughts include: family, money, travels, random jenna thoughts that probably don't make any sense, sleep, reading... i mean the list goes on and on.

thoughts on money:  i'm not in the mood to spend it.  won't be spending it if i can help it for awhile because guess what?  saving is more important.  yeah sure, a little splurge every once in awhile is okay (like when you're feeling large and in charge and want to get a pedicure and a spray tan perhaps... i've never had a spray tan...).  but you just never know, ya know what i'm saying?  we've been cleaning out our house recently, ya know, the whole reorganizing bit (shoot me), and i'm looking at all this stuff we have.  where did it all come from?  did i really think i needed another set of thank you cards?  this is the ugliest picture frame... why did i buy it?  did i think it was completely necessary back in the day?  that's why i've got these money thoughts because i'm seeing all this stuff and wondering what the point of it is.  here we are, 3 years later, just giving it away.  money wasted, no?  so i'm going to really try hard to watch what i'm buying and make sure it's a purchase that is necessary, a NEED if you will.  with a splurge here and there, yes, but man i really feel more conscious of it lately.  this is a good thing.

thoughts on family:  i'm feeling pretty thankful for my little family that i have.  don't get me wrong, i'm always thankful.  but life has settled a bit for us and i'm quite enjoying the simple things-- like goldie loving scrambled eggs and avocado.  jake dancing with goldie to samoan music in the kitchen.  toys all over the living room floor.  goldie growing.  watching my belly get rounder.  the smell of BBQ outside.  watching a show with jake.  laughing (things have really been cracking me up lately).  grocery shopping with goldie and watching her be so big all by herself in the cart.  stuff like that, stuff that i feel like i overlook sometimes because of the business of life.  stuff that i never want to miss.  sometimes, more often than not, i feel huge amounts of peace knowing that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing.  there are times where i feel like i've almost lost my sense of self, meaning: before goldie came, i could do whatever i wanted.  i could sit on the couch and read a book for hours and it wouldn't effect anyone but me.  i could take a shower when i wanted to, come and go as i pleased, go out at night with jake and not have to worry about bedtimes... little things like that.  after thinking about it though, i've realized that i haven't lost anything.  in fact, i've only enhanced my sense of self.  i still read books, they've just changed from a tree grows in brooklyn to moo, baa, la la la.  i still take showers...does it really matter what time it happens?  not really.  i can still come and go as i please, i just have a sweet little sidekick to join me and our outings usually happen in the afternoon after nap time.  jake and i still go out at night, we just take little missy with us and have even more fun than before.  we don't mind coming home for bedtime, not at all.  so when i have those moments of self doubt or moments of "remember when..." i just look at goldie and know that my life is way better now than it ever was before.  i mean just look at these two.  this equals happiness to me.

thoughts on traveling:  we've been really blessed to be able to travel to some pretty amazing places in our young lives.  we just came back from europe (visiting my parents), and it was a very fun trip.  each year we've been able to experience some sort of traveling experience abroad and it's been so amazing.  we've realized though that traveling is TIRING.  especially when i'm pregnant.. i mean i think i'm a pretty good sport, but let's be honest here-- i'm not as energized as i used to be.  at least for now.  after our trip a few weeks ago, we realized that we probably wouldn't be traveling like that anymore for awhile, and that's okay.  our job now is to raise the kiddies and settle more into life.  but believe you me, we are very thankful for our experiences abroad... visiting our missions, family, places that we'd always wanted to go.  very, very thankful.  but we're glad to be back for awhile, ya know?

thoughts on having another baby:  i look at our ultrasound photos and marvel that there's another girl growing in there.  a sister for goldie.  seems perfect to me.  i get different reactions when i tell people how close in age goldie and her sister will be, and i think it's really interesting actually.  usually it's a look of panic covered up quickly by, "oh how exciting!"  some people tell me i'm crazy, or nonchalantly say "good luck."  i just laugh to myself.. sometimes i get annoyed, but mostly i just laugh about it.  come on people.  i wasn't born yesterday.  i know it's going to be a lot of work and i know it's going to be an adjustment.  give me some credit here.  but you know what else i know?  this is always how it was supposed to be-- i will adjust, just like i adjusted with my first baby.  life requires adjustment and change-- it's like an eternal truth in my opinion.  it always has, and it always will.  i'm just choosing to embrace it instead of freaking out about it (because i know it's easy to do that, trust me i've had moments).  but when i think about the relationship i have with my sisters, and my sister-in-laws, i almost get emotional about how much those relationships mean to me.  i talk to my sisters every day.  they know exactly what's going on in my life, and i know what's going on in theirs.  my little sister randomly came over the other day because she was bored, and i felt SO HAPPY that she feels comfortable doing that.  my older sister and her kids stopped by yesterday and we had the best time just doing nothing.  there is nothing like sisters, and goldie gets to have one and the new baby girl gets to have goldie.  so, call me crazy, but i think that relationship is going to be way more important than me feeling tired because i have two babies that won't be on the same schedule for awhile. 

oh anyway, i have stuff i should be doing instead of writing all these thoughts down.  there is a guest room upstairs that needs to be seriously broken down and cleaned out.  maybe i'll take a photo just because it's CRAZINESS up there right now.  almost makes me laugh, but mostly makes me want to cry.  jake is such a go-getter.  i told him yesterday that i'm so thankful that he knows how to get stuff done.  i ask him to do something, and it's done within a day or two.  when he puts his mind to something, you better watch out.  so, i'm going to pretend i'm him right now and go get it done.  wish me luck.

have a fabulous day.